Twenty-two years ago...

Something that profoundly impacted much of the way I view the world now happened twenty-two years ago today. It has impacted the way I treat my wife. It has impacted the way I raise my son. It has impacted the depth of my understanding of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Twenty-two years ago today, October 6, 1986, I was 17 years old. My brother, Dan, was 19. My other brother, Sam, was 22. Ironically, it was also a Monday. It was also the day my parents sat my brothers and I down and said, "boys, we're getting a divorce. It's not your fault. We're just through." I can still picture my mother's look when my father said that last line to the three of us. Up until that point, I knew my parents were having difficulties in their marriage. I was aware that it always seemed like they found items to argue about, and both of them wanted to have the last word in one of those arguments. I later found out it was my father who wanted his freedom, but I initially blamed my mother. Those of you who know me know that I will admit to being a "mama's boy" now, but I was a "daddy's boy" when I was a kid. 'How dare my mother drive my father away' was my thought while listening to them talk about our future as a broken family. It took a scolding from my grandfather before I finally realized that I was being selfish.

Flashing forward twenty-two years to today, October 6, 2008. I know my father tried. I know my mother tried. I know how difficult it was for them to make that decision. In fact, they even had a period of reconciliation that lasted a few months before finally divorcing in the summer of 1987. I look at my brothers, and I see two people who have tried their best to make their marriages work. With God's grace, so far, my brothers and I have all had strong marriages. I can't speak for them, but I know that I learned lessons from my parents that I did not want to repeat. It has made me a better husband and father.

I don't want to leave anything left unsaid. My wife knows how I'm feeling because I tell her how I'm feeling. It's sometimes the most difficult thing to spread your true honesty about a situation, but those unsaid comments ate at my parents' marriage. It won't eat at mine. Although both of my parents have gone on to build second marriages (which appear to be strong), I know the two of them have harbored guilt over the years for "breaking" up our family. Truthfully, I would have rather lived in two houses than live in one unhappy one, but I can only imagine how painful that must have been for my mother to see her boys suffer.

I think of the greatest impacts of my parents' decision to divorce was spiritually. I became a Christian when I was 7 years old. For ten years, I gave Him a lot of praise through the good times. I seemed to lack "praising Him through the storm." When my parents separated, one of the biggest storms of my life came my way. I remember sitting on the end of my bed one day and shouting at the top of my lungs, "Lord, you are good! I know you will help us!" Through that process of watching my family life mold into something new, God was molding me. That time in my life shaped how I viewed God through the other obstacles in my life. I could let go of a grandfather I dearly loved because I knew He was in control. I could lay my daughter into His arms because I knew He was in control. I couldn't change my parents' decision. I could have been angry and bitter, but I wasn't in control of that situation.

God's in control. He's been in control. He has seen me through so many difficult trials in my life, but I have learned so much about His love and His mercy through those trials. So, I "praise him for the storms."