Want to go inside my mind?

That might be a scary adventure, but I've just really been thinking about a lot of different things these last few days. Katie's doing well physically, by the way, but she's emotionally a wreck until our son walks into the room. I don't think she settled down for sleep until 3:00 this morning. In Aaron's presence, she tries to hide it in. So, since I've been having so many late nights myself, I've been able to think too. Watching the re-run of the GMA Dove Awards early this morning, I sort of hit a realization that I've truthfully been going over for a long time, always wrestling with my human need to cradle my daughter down here. Then, it was like God just took me in His own arms and said look, your daughter's with the greatest Father of all time. I get caught up sometimes in the desire for Gracie to just come back here with us. But, why? Why would I want for Gracie to come back here on this polluted, broken, and stained planet? Why would I want her to live in this land of sin and pain? What I need the human side of me to think is that Gracie is in the land of perfection. I've heard the Steven Curtis Chapman (who won Artist of the Year last night) line that says, "Jesus can't come soon enough." I've always loved that line, and I've always believed it too, but now I really want that comment to happen. I want to see my Gracie. I just miss her so bad, and Mr. Chapman's right. Jesus can't come soon enough. I want to be a grandfather. I want to grow old with my wife. But, I am so ready for Heaven's Glory!

I told Kate this in the middle of some of my thoughts, doubtful that she heard me, but I had to share what I was feeling at the moment. I said that I really don't think that I can handle her or Aaron going Home to Jesus. I've said before that if Jesus doesn't come back in my lifetime, he better take me first, because I can't live without her. It sounds silly, but it's true. I would be completely lost without this amazing angel God's placed in my life. The husband/daddy in me can't take saying goodbye to another one, even if Eternity will be spent with them. I'm just not strong enough to do that. Because this world is just full of so much pain and brokenness, it can really weigh you down sometimes. I remind myself all the time that this life isn't it. It's a dress rehearsal for the beautiful wedding that will one day come, when the Bridegroom takes us in His arms and welcomes us Home. I am so excited for that day to come! As was wonderfully said last night, He can't come soon enough.

One of my students said goodbye to her father last night, after a 3-year courageous battle with cancer. I know that while we're grieving for his loss down here, Jesus is rejoicing over His amazing child up there, who's now free from pain and fear. In this world of brokenness, I'm really trying to keep Heaven in my mind. It's easy to look around and become frustrated with so much hurt here on Earth, but God's promised such a beautiful residence with Him for Eternity. God bless, and thanks for your prayers.