Hope, Love, and Grace

I couldn't sleep last night, so I went downstairs to the kitchen. I sat at the table, and I sort of took in the quiet blackness that can be found at 2:30 in the morning. I kind of just sat there. At first, I wasn't thinking about anything. For about 10 minutes or so, I sat there quiet and still; rubbing my hand along the top of the table. My mind sort of began to drift to the bigger picture of my family. I looked out the window and thought about the time when Aaron will learn to drive, graduate high school and college, get married, make me a grandpa. I thought about dancing with Kate at our 50th anniversary, how beautiful she'll look with grey hair and wrinkles. All the future hopes that we'll experience together and with him. The future hopes of one day being told we have a baby in China who will share our last name.

I thought about how much I love my wife. She's a complete angel, truly sent for me, handpicked by God. Amazing woman. I thought about how much I love being a father, how much I love watching Aaron grow and change. I thought about how much I love being a son, brother, uncle, friend. I love the roles God's given me.

Then I began to think about Grace. I watched a video of her the other day; smiling and giggling at the camera as she was trying to hit a baseball off a tee. She'd miss, look at the camera, laugh, and pick it back up. She didn't have any hair at that point, but you'd never be able to tell she just had a few months left down here. I realize my daughter will never learn to ride a bike, tie her shoe, drive a car or graduate high school. I know there will come a day 20 years from now when I will look out at a beautiful day and wonder if I would have been walking her down the aisle that day. I know I'll always wonder what she would have named her children. I'll always wonder those things. But at the same time, I will always be thankful that God gave me four years with a beautiful little girl. My life will be forever changed because that little girl came into it.