Who will work in His Fields?

My nephew, Isaac, will be a tremendous husband and father one day. I am convinced that he will be such a blessing to a very lucky woman. However, right now, he is set to be a tremendous blessing to a village in Botswana for three months beginning in January after graduation in December. Although he is a Volunteer and not a Tar Heel, he is the most generous young man I know. His heart is on fire for God, and he is not ashamed of the Gospel. His work might not show direct results right away, but he will be rewarded for it in Heaven; I believe that. I could not be more proud of him.

"There is peace and contentment in the Father's House today
Lots of food on His table and no one is turned away
There is singing and laughter as the hours pass by
But a hush calms the singing as the father sadly cries

My house is full, but my field is empty, who will go and work for me today?
It seems my children all want to stay around my table
But no one wants to work in my field, no one wants to work in my field

Push away from the table, then look out through the window pane
Just beyond the house of plenty lies a field of golden grain
And it's white unto harvest, oh, but the reapers where are they?
There in the house, oh, can't the children hear the Father sadly say

My house is full, but my field is empty, who will go and work for me today?
It seems my children all want to stay around my table
But no one wants to work in my field, no one wants to work in my field."

Prayers

All right, to clarify, this might be something I look at tomorrow morning and say, "did that make any sense", but I need to at least say it now. I fell asleep about an hour ago, and I woke about 10 minutes ago. It's 12:11 a.m. as I type this, and the house is quiet except this little desk lamp keeping the room a dull haze of light. Here's the thing that may make me say "make sense?" in the morning....

We lost three children in the womb. We lost Gracie last September. We're done trying now. We have Aaron, our beautiful and healthy son. Yet, I don't feel like our family of three is all that God chose for us. I've really been asking and praying to God for guidance in that area. Katie and I had talked about adoption prior to even having Aaron; after our first two miscarriages. But, we stopped talking about it after Aaron and Gracie were born. I think we're ready to start the discussion again. If you're praying, please just begin to pray for this (if you don't mind). If it's not what He has chosen for us, then we will follow His will. However, I woke up a few minutes ago with a strong, very strong, urge to write this down. I don't know if it was God's voice on my heart, my own desires, or just the fact that it's extremely late (or early?). Just begin to pray, again if you don't mind, for something to stir in this area. Thank you. If I didn't make sense, I'm sorry. I might have to go back and read this later in clear thought.

Prayers for New Orleans and all those who will be affected

Shortly after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, a group of church members and I drove down to Louisiana in hopes of being able to assist the people there in any way possible. With the "ok" of the school, and my family, I spent 10 days in New Orleans cleaning up debris and doing our best to stop at least some of the tears, even if for only a couple of minutes. I am a firm believer in the "if you can help, help" approach. This year, I won't be able to go down and help clean-up after Hurricane Gustav if New Orleans suffers the hit, but I will pray for them. I urge all of you to pray. There are still people living in small FEMA trailors that are in the path of this strong hurricane. Please keep all of them in your thoughts and prayers as they prepare for yet another hurricane.

"Jam Session"

All right, I had a "jam session" with God last night after Aaron and Katie both fell to sleep. I sat on my sofa with guitar in hand, and I just started singing and playing to the Lord. I am not a great singer (not even an average one), and I'm sure if Kate or Aaron heard me, they would have covered their ears (actually, I hope they would have joined in). This was just one of many "jam sessions" I have with God, but last night I sang some songs to Him that I hadn't even been able to listen to without falling apart since He led Gracie Home. If you've never had a "jam session" with God, I urge you to try it. He's a great audience. You don't have to be a good singer. Like I said, I'm not even an average singer. You don't have to bring a guitar or a piano along with you. Just come into His presence and worship His glory. I might have another one tonight.

In all honesty, I turned off the lights halfway through our "session." It was me, alone in the darkness, with a guitar, and Him. I know He was listening. I know He was there. Aaron once said, "daddy, Jesus makes the hair on my arms stand up!" It's true. Mine did last night. There's something about praising His name in a room full of people, but there is something about praising Him sitting alone in the dark too. I even wrote a song last night; something that I have done here and there, none really for a public audience. God let the words fall into my mind.

Of course, this was before I had turned the lights off.

Entry

#1

After showering this morning, I went back into the bedroom to find this number on a yellow sticky note resting on my pillow. Katie was downstairs, and I knew exactly what the #1 meant. Our grief counselor after Gracie died last September told us to try out a rating system for our grief. He said number it from 1-10; with 1 being severely critical; need attention now! Well, August hasn't been really good for me so far this year. However, these last couple of days have really been wearing on Katie. She's a very strong woman, but she's not that strong. A couple of you who read this know this because I've talked with you on the telephone recently, but Katie's having a lot of old memories creep up again. I just please ask you to keep her in prayer. The power of God is shown greatest when we're on our knees professing His glorious name. I will do my best as a husband to keep my wife's number ABOVE the #1 she gave me this morning. As soon as I found the note, I went downstairs to find her.

If you're wondering, I'm about a 5 right now. Actually, the rating system has caught on with my family; not just with the two of us. Mom telephones me a couple times a week just to find out my number. I know that Dan's family uses it now. I wish I didn't have an original reason to use it, but it's been a good judge of where we're at as a family. Again, just please pray if you don't mind, and I will continue to lift up His great and powerful name!

Day of Firsts

Today was a day of several firsts for our family. It was Aaron's first day of second grade. It was Katie's first day back teaching Kindergarten. It was also the first day that Gracie would have started Kindergarten.

I got up very early (around 5:30-which if you know me, I consider that late), and I read my daily Scripture verses. I spent about 30 solid minutes in the Word, sitting in Gracie's bedroom. For some who have lost children, I know they might find their children's bedrooms to be difficult to enter. I find comfort and a feeling of really being close to Gracie in there. Thus, I usually will spend a few minutes in there a few times a week. For those who don't know, yes, Gracie still has a bedroom. I don't think we're "there" yet, and I'm not going to rush into anything. God will show us when or if it's time to change her room. We're just not ready right now.

When Katie woke up around 6:00, I fixed her some breakfast. It's been a morning routine since 1993; one I enjoy. Kate will tell you it's because I don't like her cooking (which is untrue), but I look at it like a gesture of love. Aaron woke up around 6:15, and the real adventure began. Luckily for us, he wears a uniform. Unfortunately, he never seems to have a pair of shoes together in the same place. That was a nice treasure hunt this morning. Between getting him prepared for school and dealing with the morning emotions, I was already tired again.

This morning was a very difficult morning for Kate. If you're praying, please keep her in prayer. She's finding this a harder adjustment than she thought it would be at the time. Working with children who are the same age as Gracie is emotional. She should be in the Kindergarten next door. She's not, and that's tearing the two of us up right now. We have faith and belief, however, that her Teacher now is better than anyone would ever have been on this Earth. I actually went down to her room this afternoon, and she was sitting there alone, crying. So just please, keep her in prayer.

Aaron had a good day. He loves his teacher. He's in the same class with his best friend, Micah. I pray that he will continue to have good days. I also pray that Katie will hold on tight to Jesus' promise (which I know she will), and I pray that God will give me the strength to hold her up when she falls.

My classes today were normal. Most of the students didn't want to be there. I gave them my "first day speech," and half of them just sat in their seats giving me blank looks. It's typically how my students react the first few days. However, I know that someone in that Class of 2011 will be a doctor one day. Someone will be a lawyer. Someone might even be President. They might not look like they are paying attention to me, but I am paying attention to them. I am just happy to be a cog in the wheel of their lives. It's something that, as an educator, makes me proud.

So, if you're praying, just keep praying! I know that God is doing wonders with Katie. She has a sad mama's heart. It doesn't just go away a year later. It's always there. This entire month, and the next couple of weeks, has been and will be so difficult. I am just so thankful to God that He is the King in our lives. I don't have to worry. I don't have to be scared of what will be down the road. I know that He's the Ruler and Creator of all that has been and will be for our family.

Last Weekend of Freedom

All right, that phrase is how my son views the weekend before school starts. For the past couple of weeks, we've really "laid down the law" when it comes to bed-time. We've gotten back into a regular school year routine so that he will be prepared for Monday. Katie's classroom is all set up. Each students' name is neatly printed on little Olympic gold medals atop that student's desk. Her bulletin boards are ready to display beautiful 5 and 6-year-old works of art. In the sense of preparation, she is there. My classroom is ready to welcome the Class of 2011; although I doubt the Class of 2011 is ready to be welcomed back yet. I have a standard speech I give on the first day of school to every class that walks into my room.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mr. Tyler. For those of you who do know me, my name is...Mr. Tyler. This is History, and you are living it right now. Nothing that has been has escaped history, and there is nothing to come that will escape history either. It is all around us. The words I just told you; history. This class will hopefully teach you about the history of this great United States. If I do my job right, and you yours, you will hopefully walk out of this classroom in May with a deeper knowledge about this subject than when you walked in this morning. I've been teaching this now for (_) years, so I must be doing something right." With that, I usually smile, some kids laugh, and we ease into the day. I look at my students, study their curiosity, remember mine when I was their age, and I share the words of 1 Timothy 4:12. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." I believe in public education, but I truthfully love the ability to teach in a school of Christian faith.

So, that brings me back somehow to this "last weekend of freedom." Katie's 39th birthday is tomorrow. I found out recently that a young miss Shaohannah Chapman's birthday is tomorrow too. It's fun to turn nine; not as fun to turn 39. Happy birthday to both beautiful young ladies. So, on this last weekend before school begins for the three of us, I just want to take the time to glorify His name yet again. Revelation 21:4 says, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." That is the hope I'm leaning toward this weekend. It may be the last weekend of freedom for my son, and countless other children across the country, but the real freedom comes when I see Him face to face. It comes when I walk into His Kingdom, hug my Father, find my little Gracie, and live in an eternity of peace. That's real freedom to me.

Wait...

Now wait, where are the screaming fans?

A good conversation

I had a good conversation with my 7-year-old son, Aaron (below) just a few minutes ago. Katie went to dinner with a group of ladies this evening, and that has allowed me to spend a couple hours of "father-son bonding time" with Aaron. Since school begins next Monday, it's bed-time at 8:45 p.m. For those who don't know our bed-time routine for Aaron, it consists of me sitting down beside his bed with my guitar and him shouting out song requests. I've done everything from my own guitar version of the Spongebob Squarepants theme to the newer sound of Somewhere Over the Rainbow made famous again in recent years. Anyways, right after I took the guitar off my lap and leaned it on the end of Aaron's bed, we had this good conversation. I call it a good conversation because if you've ever had a serious conversation with a 7-year-old, you are very lucky. This was one of them.

I had leaned the guitar on the bed when Aaron sat up and looked at me with curiosity on his face. He said, "Daddy, do you think that Gracie's done with the job that Jesus wanted her to do so she could come home now?" I played with his hair a minute before responding, hesitating long enough for him to say, "do you?" Although he knows, I explained to him that we won't see Gracie again on this Earth. But, she will be waiting in Heaven for us to arrive, and we will see her There. He then leaned back and put his head on the pillow, responding, "couldn't someone else have done the job?" Again, a hesitation, and I told him the only thing I could think of at the moment. I said, "Jesus chose her." He looked at me with big eyes and just said, "oh, all right." After a few moments of silence, I leaned over to kiss his forehead and tell him good-night. We told each other "I love you", and I turned off the light. Walking out of the bedroom, Aaron said, "daddy?" I turned around, and he said, "what will Jesus choose for me to do?" I smiled and said, "you'll know." He looked at me with curiosity again, smiled, and laid back down.

I hope you have had good conversations today. I think it's those conversations, especially with children, that keep us truly engaged in what the Lord is trying to convey to us; His children. I wish I could have the same sweet innocence as my son, but 39 years of life has thrown its curveballs my way. I just thank the Lord every day for His plan and direction for my life. If I had to make the choice, if I ran my life, I would be in a mess. I don't know how some people do it. I pray for them to realize how difficult and impossible it is to do that.