???

I titled this "???" because I can't really think of a good title. I woke up around 2:00 this morning from a dream. I couldn't get back to sleep after that for about an hour, so I laid awake and just thought of some things. A year ago at this time, I was still numb from Gracie's Homecoming. It's kind of hitting me again (thousandth time) that there will never come a day on this side of Heaven that I will see Gracie again. Compound that with the sadness for others who have been though the same losses, and I'm just in a "ditch" today. I blubbered my way through a couple songs today at church. I have so many thoughts running through my head that I just need a place to write them down. Early on in our counseling last year, Dr. Ronn told Kate and me that there will be days when you are smiling, laughing, and altogether wonderful. Then, there will be other days when you just don't feel that way, and that will probably go on that way for the rest of your lives. Today's the latter, and tomorrow might be the former. I don't know. It's just still strange to really think about.. It's been over a year, and it's still hard to imagine the future without Grace Ann. Here's this beautiful little girl, bubbling over with excitement in a photograph. She was so alive in all of those pictures, and now, all that's gone. Yet, God is good. He has a plan, and although I may question, I know He loves me.

Thankfully, there are projects around the house that are keeping me busy right now during the weekends, but the downtime is hard.