The Thing About This Second Christmas

This second Christmas is not much different than the first; it's just now it's been fifteen months and not three. I had a horrible morning. Aaron stayed overnight with a friend last night. Katie went shopping this morning. I was alone with my thoughts, and that apparantly wasn't a good thing today. I went into Gracie's bedroom, locked the door, and just began talking (or debating) to God. I love God with my entire heart. I believe in his Word, his salvation for us, his creed, but I was just confused this morning (and alone in the house). I yelled up at Him, "You gave her to us, and You just took her away! You just took her away! I want her with You, God, but not right now! She should be opening presents! She should be teasing her brother! She should be here, right now! So why isn't she?" I just begged and pleaded, yelled and questioned. I never cursed. I never questioned His validity. I just needed to have that 40 minute span of time to say what I wanted to say. You know what happened? Nothing. God doesn't always answer you. It's not that He doesn't care. It's not that He's hidden or absent. Sometimes, the answers come in the silence. Sometimes, they come later. I know He still loves me. I still love him. I just wish I knew the answers. I hope to find those out one day.