It's late, very late, or is it very early? It's 1:00 in the morning, early then I suppose..

I've just had one of those conversations that leave you feeling wide awake but exhausted at the same time. Of course, this one was with my 8-year-old.

The topic; death. That's not really my favorite topic of conversation. It's not that it scares me, because death to me means waking up to an eternity in Heaven and with my little Gracie. It's just a conversation that I try to avoid for some reason. Aaron woke me up about an hour ago with twenty different questions. It didn't originate from a nightmare he had; he was just curious. We've had the conversation before, many times since Gracie became sick and then left us for Heaven. I'm trying to sit here and remember his questions.

He woke me up with the line, "daddy, I don't want to die." Now, in a deep sleep, those words sound like he's cut his leg open and is bleeding intensely or something, and it naturally jolted me in an upright position. That woke Kate up. The three of us sat talking for the next 45 minutes about this topic; this topic that makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

1. I don't wanna not breathe.

This was his biggest concern. He doesn't want the feeling of not breathing. I'm 40, and that thought stops me in my tracks sometimes; let alone dealing with that concept at 8.

2. I know I'm gonna go to Heaven, but it's wierd to think I'm not gonna be here someday.

Yeah, that's strange for me to really think about too when looking at it through my human eyes.

3. I don't want God to take you or Mommy and leave me here alone.

That was probably the gripping moment of the whole conversation. The Daddy in me wants to enter Heaven before my son. I can't handle losing another child. If God's not coming in our lifetimes, I want Him to take me before he takes Aaron. I even want Him to take me before He takes Kate. But, He's eventually going to take me Home. He's eventually going to take Kate Home. It's so difficult to explain to an 8-year-old that, yes, we will die eventually; barring God's return. The two of us tip-toed around this issue.

4. I want people to invent ways to make people live forever.

That's an 8-year-old's mind at its best.

5. What do you think happens to us the second we die?

I told him I had no idea. That was really the only answer Kate and I could give. We told him what we think might happen, but we don't know until it happens.

6. I'm scared of dying.

We told him that God will take away the scary part of dying, and he'll replace it with the beauty of Heaven.

This next question he got really quiet about before he asked it; studying my wife and I before saying anything, almost nervous to ask.

7. What if we're (Christians) wrong? Will I exist then?

Kate and I thought very carefully about how to handle this question. I don't think Aaron was doubting anything. I think he was curious. The reason I say this is because I asked him what he thought. He said, without a skip of a beat, "I have faith there's a Heaven, Daddy. But a lot of people don't, and what if they're right and we're wrong?" In all the conversations we've had about death over the years, he's never asked that question. But, he never swayed from believing that Jesus is real. I'm proud of him for that. That's a deep thought process for a kid.

It was just a very intense conversation that I didn't think I'd have at 11:00 at night with my kid. I don't know what spurred it on, but I just know that it's left me feeling wide awake. It's left the human in me looking at the clock; 1:00 now..soon to be 1:01..I'm 40 years old, 41 in a few months..Ten years isn't that long, right? Ten years, I'll be 50.. Twenty years, thirty years, was 1979 really 30 years ago? I'll be 70.. So now I'm wide awake and asking God to release my own anxiety. ;) God bless.