Don't we all need to hear those words sometimes? All right, let's clear the air here. I am having a bad day. I'm tired. I'm Homesick. I'm just not having fun today. I love God. I love His decision to grant me a wonderful family. But, I just miss my Gracie today. Yes, Joel, even this uncle can have those days. By the way, Joel, if you are reading this, I love you, buddy. You're my favorite nephew named Joel (for those not aware, that's a joke between us two).
The one truth that I have discovered is this; 11 months can still feel like the next day. I've been told that even 11 years could be like that. It's actually not as much Katie as it is me today. I just woke up feeling this way. I took my Bible to lunch today. I will do that often when I am eating alone, but Katie, Aaron, and I all went out, so in between my bites, I read the Scriptures. God's good. He's great actually, and He's there. Earlier today, Katie pulled me aside and said, "look honey, I know you're hurting today. I know you're sad, but I won't let you sink." Isn't that what we all want and need to hear in our sadness? We just want someone who loves us enough to say, "hey, I'm here." One of Katie's best lines to me wasn't, "I love you," although I love hearing those words. They were actually right after Gracie's funeral, and we both were in so much grief. However, she managed to look me in the eyes and say, "even if I only have one hand on the shore, I'll be holding you up with the other." It was the greatest line she's ever said to me; without a doubt. We all need to hear words like that. So, I am praying and hopeful for a good day tomorrow. The rain doesn't last forever; even if it seems that way at times. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. God bless.
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3 comments:
JB,
I sat down to send a bulk email out, and I saw this in my email first. I wanted to share it with you tonight, brother!
Loss
What a simple word. Loss. But the amount of pain that is behind that word is far from simple, let alone easy. From loss comes grief. Grief can be at times and simply put-choking. So huge, so engulfing, so powerful, that it chokes you. You can’t breathe or move or think. Choke. Grief is unbearable pain. Sometimes so, to a point, where dying seems easier. To forget and not feel the pain, dying seams the best way. After minutes that make hours, which add into days, multiplies to weeks, topples on months and sometimes slowly and sometime quickly make years, the pain is still there. Loss. Grief. It’s ever present and there, but joy comes through. Simply joy appears. A smile is cracked, maybe a laugh is let out freely. At times, life appears. Oh, not the life you once knew but a new life—a life that grief, which has choked you and a loss that hurts down past anything you knew could hurt, is there, but joy also is ever present. New life is there, a new life that has brought healing-the healing that allows you to grieve from loss even in the middle of joy.
New life is on the way, Jb, new life is on the way....
J.B.--Can't keep quiet any longer! This is the first time I've ever posted on any blog anywhere. You have blessed me right to the core of my being over the last several weeks, Brother. I've been following your story for weeks on Jim Houser's blog, and now on yours. Thanks for your passion, your wisdom, and your candor. Even though all of us understand grief at some level, when it comes to understanding the loss of a child, Houser said it best--most of us are not even in the same area code. I have been overwhelmed and broken over these weeks by the number who have shared their losses--I really had NO CLUE how many families struggle with such pain. I have felt especially compelled to pray for you and your family--maybe because of your ability to articulate your story, or the frequency of your posts, whatever...
On a different note--yesterday's post about your Grandfather went straight to my heart. I had a couple guys in my youth who were not related, but served that same wonderful mentoring role. I miss them, and the lessons. I actually made reference to that post to a virtual stranger today. I do home inspections, and as I was with clients today, the lady asked me about the wristband I wear which says "Joshua 1:9" After I rattled off the verse, she said "Wow!" I told her that Scripture memory is kind of a thing of mine, and referred to your Grandfather's question "How can you tell people about this book if you don't know it yourself?" (Actually misquoted it slightly, but...)
Two verses for you tonight...
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Josh. 1:9
"Do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" Isa. 41:10
Thanks for letting me ramble. Hopefully I'll be more succinct next time.
pondo
JB,
I have no words, but I can pray. Know that I am praying for you especially today.
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