I had a horrible night's sleep last night. Someone who didn't really understand obviously once told me, "J.B., at least you didn't lose your child the way you lost Gracie." It doesn't matter whether lost in the womb, at four years of age, or forty years of age; it's still your child! I tried conveying that to him nicely.
So, in my horrible toss-and-turn sleep, I rolled over and held Kate tight. I figured that if I could hold her tight, her pain would seep into me, and she'd be better. Yes, this was 2:00 in the morning, so normal and rational thinking wasn't there at that point.
I finally did fall to sleep, only to wake up again once I felt Kate's empty side of the bed. I looked around the room; no Kate. I went into our bathroom; no Kate. I went into Aaron's room; no Kate. I eventually found her; in Gracie's room. She was curled up in the rocker with, what else, the Holy Bible in her hand. My Katie, the rock, grabbing on to her Rock. I left her alone, and I went to go to my own daily Bible readings. I read:
Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
I have those verses stained into my mind now; after all I've been through. Yet, I know I'm not alone in suffering. There are millions out there who have endured similar pain or even worse pain. Jesus didn't promise no suffering and pain in this life (yes, Mom, that's a double negative). He only promised that if you choose to follow Him, He will lead you to a place one day where there will be NO suffering. There will be NO pain; as we worship together in glorious harmony.
Romans 8:18, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
This will all wash away, but there is a beautiful Home we're headed toward!
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3 comments:
Beautiful post, JB. So sorry you couldn't sleep, but so glad you found comfort in the Word. You and Kate were being prayed over last night and they continue today.
And you're right...losing a child at any stage is just as difficult. I know my parents miss Forrest (died after birth) just as much as they miss Luke (my twin, still born), so I do understand.
Prayers for strength, brother.
Kristen Vander-Plas
Hey J.B.,
My name is Dani and I came across your blog as many others did through Jim's. Your story has touched my heart and I will be praying for you and Kate. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I do however know one thing and that is to pray. People who have lost children or can't have them at all have a special place in my heart. I am always so burdened when I hear of news such as this. I have a desire to start a website for people with such journeys can come and find comfort and encouragement by those who have also been down the same road and those that have never been down that road but have a calling to be there for those that have. It is still in the works but I know God has called me to minister to those in pain/suffering. Anyways...I will be adding you to my blogroll.
Thanks for being so honest.
Lots of LOVE and PRAYERS,
Dani
JB, have been praying for you, Kate, and Aaron, and continuing to pray today.
I remember during one very difficult time in my life, an acquaintance from church came up to me and said, "God has laid you on so many people's hearts, and so many are praying for you." I was completely stunned that God Himself, because of His amazing love, had asked others to pray for ME.
Please know, and let Kate know, that God is surrounding your family with the prayers of His children.
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