Trick-or-Treat

Growing up, Halloween was the one day out of the year where I could get free candy, as much as I wanted, of all different varieties. Since we lived on a farm, our nearest neighbor was a few acres away, so we always drove to my aunt's neighborhood to do our annual trick-or-treating. Every year, this petite elderly lady always gave us caramel apples. My brothers and I didn't like going to that house very much. Who wants apples anyways? The best house was my aunt's house. We'd knock on her door, and my uncle would answer with an "oh! Boys, I thought you were going to wear your costumes." We'd laugh, and then we'd go inside for the good stuff. My Aunt Dottie knew exactly what treats my brothers and I enjoyed. Not having children of her own, she treated us more like sons than nephews, and my Uncle Walt even accompanied my parents on our neighborhood trick-or-treat raid.

I can't remember a Halloween when I wasn't either Superman or a football player. I was the child who knew exactly what costume I was going to wear long before October even came around. I didn't want to be Snoopy. I didn't want to be Batman or Captain Kirk. I was Superman. I was a Pittsburgh Steeler. There was no further discussion.

Is it possible that this fascination with one particular costume is hereditary? Tomorrow night, I'll be taking, what else, Superman trick-or-treating. Since we live on a farm, we still take Aaron to the same neighborhood that I trick-or-treated in for so many childhood years. My Uncle Walt still answers the door when we arrive. He looks down at Aaron and says, "where's your costume?" and Aaron laughs at his joke. My Aunt Dottie still has the best candy in North Carolina. It's honestly like going home again. The route's gotten bigger. We take Aaron to my in-laws' house, my mom's, and my dad's, but it's not trick-or-treating unless it's done walking along the same streets I walked down as a kid; hugging my candy bag close to my heart, my red cape shining behind me like I was actually Christopher Reeve.

To add a little "really?" fact to all of this, Katie's grandmother lived in the same neighborhood for a couple years in the 70's. Katie also trick-or-treated there during those years. I don't know if we ever passed each other, but it's an interesting thought.

If you're curious, Aaron's been Superman now three times. He's been a football player once. He already said he wants to be a football player next year. I am rubbing off on him....

Blue Ridge Anniversary

Katie and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary last Thursday with a trip along the Blue Ridge Parkway on an extended weekend. Aaron stayed with his grandparents, and the two of us just hopped out of town for some J.B./Katie time, the title we were before Daddy/Mama came along (which is the best thing we'll ever do in our lives). Anyways, I knew the weather forecast for Friday was going to be wet and foggy, but Katie's response? "Let's go on Friday. I'd go if there were 10 feet of snow on the ground, as long as I'd be with you." Of course, they'd close the Parkway if that were ever the case, and truth be told, fog isn't the best weather to drive the Parkway in either, but it was a nice comment. If you don't know the geography of the Parkway, Winston-Salem is northeast of the higher ranges. So, we drove a couple hours south-southwest, made our way over to the Parkway, and then made our way up in the fog and the rain.


Foggy Friday







Saturday and Sunday were perfect along the Parkway, and we even drove up into Virginia for a little while before catching the Interstate back home. It was a nice getaway for the two of us. I don't know how anybody can be a skeptic and drive the Blue Ridge Parkway. His Creation is so evident in everything there, even if it happens to be foggy and wet. The last time we drove the Parkway, Gracie was here, and seeing the wonder on both my kids' faces was the highlight of the trip. Seeing the smile on Katie's face was the highlight of this one. If you've never had a chance, drive the Parkway. When we reached the Piedmont on Friday, we couldn't see anything. It was foggy, cold, and wet, but I felt so alive in the Lord. I thought about the line, "just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist." It was a great anniversary vacation, but it was also a humbling reminder that the God who made those beautiful mountains also numbered the hair on my head. I felt so small up there atop the mountains, but my small self means so much to God. His love is incredible!

Just Some Thoughts

As I was driving home today, some random thoughts just popped into my head. One of the main things I thought about was the whole concept of time, death, and eternity. I know I'll see my Gracie again, but I just thought about the whole, "if I live to 80, then I won't see my girl again for another 40 years." If I live longer, obviously the absence is longer. Although I know I'll spend eternity with her, man, 40 years on this planet without her is a depressing thought. It was a sad thought, but it also left me feeling hopeful to know that 40 years is nothing compared to eternity. But, it's still 40 years (possibly). I'm at 13 months, and it's too overwhelming to think of all those future years without her.

I also thought about the entire adoption process again, which has consumed me the last few days. We want a girl. Then, part of me feels guilt for being able to make that decision. Another part of me feels concerned that we want a girl because of Gracie. I'm excited, but I'm also hesitant to get my hopes rolled into what I don't know will 100% happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I trust God. I can't make these decisions on my own without the constant struggle of "am I making the right one?", so I trust Him to showcase His plan in my life. I'm not worried about my future, because He could come back tomorrow with no argument from me, but I'm just curious. It's like a kid wanting to tiptoe downstairs to see Santa Claus putting the presents under the tree.

I think I need a shorter commute...

This is all quite interesting

I've been pouring through requirements, getting ready for the "paper chase", researching orphanages, reading Scripture, etc. today, and I have to admit that this all is quite interesting. I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave over my family, go to China tomorrow, and bring home a baby, but this process is going to be a long one. One of the first questions I have had for the longest time was if we would be able to adopt because of Grace's death and our three miscarriages. I was so nervous until I found out the answers. However, I'm under 50, in good health, with one child in the home, and Katie and I fit the marriage requirements! ;) I'm having a lot of fun dreaming right now. I don't know if that's how it began for others who have gone through (or is going through) this process, but I'm finding myself getting excited for something that won't fully happen for a few years (praying this will happen). Katie's sharing my positive feelings, so hopefully this is in God's plan for the three of us.

I think God's spoken!

I was standing there at the AWAA seminar yesterday, when I completely felt the presence of God in that place. I looked at Katie, and I said, "I think He's said yes." We both smiled, and yesterday began our "adoption process." Dossier, here we come! We were told this process could take anywhere from 4-6 months. We were told, if approved, the waiting stage could take up to 3 years. We were told we'd have to live in China for a couple weeks. We were told, we were told, we were told, and all I heard was God saying, "listen to My plans for you." I have heard rumors of some very incredible wait periods on Chinese adoptions, and I would be interested in hearing other people's stories on their own wait times.

God, Move the Mountains

Continued prayers please for the seminar tomorrow! I just pray God moves the mountains out of the way and reveals His plan in all of this! I'm prepared for a long waiting period, a very long waiting period. I'm even prepared for a "no." However, I am praying for the positives!

Also, Aaron's prayer last night to Jesus was for Him to make the Tooth Fairy give him more money for this loose tooth than she did for the last one! :) I suppose to a little boy, that prayer is just as important as mine.

Prayers

I thought I'd just share a glimpse into a little of what we hope our future holds for us. There is a seminar in Chapel Hill this Saturday that Kate and I are attending, and we hope it will answer a few of our questions. Just keep praying for God's power in this decision. We're leaving everything to Him.

Question time with Aaron

Last night before bed-time, Aaron told me something they were talking about in Sunday School class earlier that day. They were talking about the resurrection body (in 2nd and 3rd grade language). Aaron had a load of questions last night about it. He asked if Grace could indeed see us (something he's asked a hundred times since she went Home). He asked if I'll still be his dad in Heaven, if Katie will still be his mom. He asked if it was all right to be be afraid of death; something I tried to tell him is not a scary thing when you know what lies ahead. He asked what I think Grace did the moment she died and entered into Heaven. Every question was followed by my answer, then a soft, "dad?" after my individual responses ended. He kept rattling them off to me like he couldn't wait for me to answer him. As I said, it was a "where we were" day for us. On October 12, 1995, we lost our first baby in the womb. You lose a child, you lose a child. It doesn't matter if the child is unborn, four, or 54; it's still your child. Katie's feeling better today, thank you to those who kept her in prayer. So, my emotion meter yesterday was already set on high.

Anyways, as for my answers, they went something like this...

Yes, I believe Gracie can see and hear us, however, she has so much excitement going on in Heaven right now that she is pretty busy up there too.

No one can avoid death. If I live to be 99 years old, it's still with 100% guarantee that I'm going to face death eventually. God has ordained our days, and if we know Him in trust and love, there's no need to fear death. I'd rather live for eternity up there than eternity down here on this sin smeared planet. However, my selfish prayers are that Aaron will grow old and grey.

To answer the "what do you think Gracie did as soon as she went to Heaven?" question, I said that I think she stood outside the gates of Heaven, peering inside. All of a sudden, the gates opened, and Jesus walked through them, grabbing her hand. He led her down a street of gold, a crowd of angels gathered behind them. They went to the Mansion, where he suited her with her own pair of wings and a halo, and she went to play games with the other angel children. Now, I obviously have no idea what my daughter saw and did that first day in Heaven, but I would love to think it went something like that. After about 30 minutes of our father-son chat, we prayed, and I kissed him goodnight. Katie, who was downstairs and hadn't heard our conversation, came walking upstairs and into Aaron's room. We prayed again, Katie kissed Aaron goodnight, and we left the room. I can tell when my son is stalling from having to go to bed, but this wasn't him doing that last night. He was generally interested and curious. It was a good talk.

Also, if you are praying and thinking about our possible quest for adoption, please keep praying! I think God is beginning to move! Thank you!

Katie

This is one of those "where we were" days for us, and Katie's a little down. Couple that with the beginnings of a cold, and just pray for her if you don't mind. Nothing specific, just general. Thanks.

Won't You Please, Please, Help Me, Help Me, Help Meeee...

All right, I'm not the fifth Beatle, but I did think about that song today while driving home from the school. I was a couple winding country roads away from the safe haven of my home when the front driver's side tire blew out; sending me swerving to a halt. As I pulled the car to the side of the road, I thanked God that I was all right, and I got out to change the tire. If you've ever seen a country road, you know that it's nearly impossible to get your car completely off the road, but I did my best. Twelve cars passed my way in the span of time it took to change that tire, and not a one of them stopped or slowed down to see if I was all right. In fact, one truck honked at my "inability" to stay out of the road. I am not saying my situation was more important than where they might have needed to have been at that particular moment, but I was always taught three things growing up.

1. Love God
2. Love your family
3. Love others

I know what I would have done if I had come across a car in my similar situation. Unfortunately, the art of being that good samaritan is often gone in the fast paced world we live in now. I'd like to see it make a strong comeback. That's just an observation I had today.

Middle of the Night Visitor

Our security system went off around 2:00 this morning. Naturally, Kate and I both sat up in bed and turned on the light. Aaron ran through our door a couple minutes later. The security alarm company called. Kate and Aaron sat on our bed while I walked down the stairs (which actually turned out to be scooting down the stairs on my backside due to my foot). I don't like hearing the alarm anytime but especially in the middle of the night. I went to re-set the alarm when I heard some noise coming from the backyard. The thought of someone being outside when I turned on the light didn't really scare me as much as it made me laugh to think of someone seeing a man in boxer shorts, bed head, a cast, and a couple crutches staring at them out the window. When I went to turn on the outside light, I saw two opposums. One scurried away. One stayed long enough for me to photograph. I do believe that God made all creatures wonderful in their own right, but I will have to ask Him why He made the opposum the way He did.

Twenty-two years ago...

Something that profoundly impacted much of the way I view the world now happened twenty-two years ago today. It has impacted the way I treat my wife. It has impacted the way I raise my son. It has impacted the depth of my understanding of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Twenty-two years ago today, October 6, 1986, I was 17 years old. My brother, Dan, was 19. My other brother, Sam, was 22. Ironically, it was also a Monday. It was also the day my parents sat my brothers and I down and said, "boys, we're getting a divorce. It's not your fault. We're just through." I can still picture my mother's look when my father said that last line to the three of us. Up until that point, I knew my parents were having difficulties in their marriage. I was aware that it always seemed like they found items to argue about, and both of them wanted to have the last word in one of those arguments. I later found out it was my father who wanted his freedom, but I initially blamed my mother. Those of you who know me know that I will admit to being a "mama's boy" now, but I was a "daddy's boy" when I was a kid. 'How dare my mother drive my father away' was my thought while listening to them talk about our future as a broken family. It took a scolding from my grandfather before I finally realized that I was being selfish.

Flashing forward twenty-two years to today, October 6, 2008. I know my father tried. I know my mother tried. I know how difficult it was for them to make that decision. In fact, they even had a period of reconciliation that lasted a few months before finally divorcing in the summer of 1987. I look at my brothers, and I see two people who have tried their best to make their marriages work. With God's grace, so far, my brothers and I have all had strong marriages. I can't speak for them, but I know that I learned lessons from my parents that I did not want to repeat. It has made me a better husband and father.

I don't want to leave anything left unsaid. My wife knows how I'm feeling because I tell her how I'm feeling. It's sometimes the most difficult thing to spread your true honesty about a situation, but those unsaid comments ate at my parents' marriage. It won't eat at mine. Although both of my parents have gone on to build second marriages (which appear to be strong), I know the two of them have harbored guilt over the years for "breaking" up our family. Truthfully, I would have rather lived in two houses than live in one unhappy one, but I can only imagine how painful that must have been for my mother to see her boys suffer.

I think of the greatest impacts of my parents' decision to divorce was spiritually. I became a Christian when I was 7 years old. For ten years, I gave Him a lot of praise through the good times. I seemed to lack "praising Him through the storm." When my parents separated, one of the biggest storms of my life came my way. I remember sitting on the end of my bed one day and shouting at the top of my lungs, "Lord, you are good! I know you will help us!" Through that process of watching my family life mold into something new, God was molding me. That time in my life shaped how I viewed God through the other obstacles in my life. I could let go of a grandfather I dearly loved because I knew He was in control. I could lay my daughter into His arms because I knew He was in control. I couldn't change my parents' decision. I could have been angry and bitter, but I wasn't in control of that situation.

God's in control. He's been in control. He has seen me through so many difficult trials in my life, but I have learned so much about His love and His mercy through those trials. So, I "praise him for the storms."

Sad Farewell....

All right, those who really know my sports interests know that I have two passions; the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Chicago Cubs. I've learned one thing from watching the latter; I can't really rely on them too much. I, like millions of other Cubbies out there, have learned great lessons in patience and the agony of defeat over the years. Yesterday, while watching my beloved Cubs lose to the Los Angeles Dodgers in a "sweep", all I could think of was my grandfather. He was also a Cubs fan; having never seen them win a World Series. They came close; boy did they come close in his lifetime, but they never climbed to the top of the mountain. Watching the final score flash across my television last night; 3-1, I told Katie, "I'm going to never see this team win the World Series." This was our year. Oh well, maybe next year.

To think...I'm subjecting my little boy to the same let-downs......

(We'll be back, I hope)

Old "Hob"

Yes, I've acquired that nickname. It's short for "hobble," which is what I'm doing a lot lately. I joke that God just wanted me to slow down a little bit. I actually woke up around 1:50 this morning with a horrible itch on the back of my leg; just below the top of the cast. I jumped quickly out of bed (mind you I woke from a deep sleep) only to jump right on my right foot. Naturally, I collapsed to the floor in agony. Kate sat straight up in bed, turned on the light, and panicked. "Are you ok? Are you ok? Are you ok?" I couldn't answer her. I was in too much pain at the time. Suffice it to say, I didn't have a good night. However, the sun still rose this morning, and the Earth's still spinning. I'll be all right, as long as I chain myself to the bed next time.

Ann, my cast is actually blue, and yes, the Cubs are breaking my heart.

Gods' Crayons

God is the best painter, isn't He? All of this Creation just bursts out with his Holy Name. He gave us a beautiful sunrise this morning, and "Mr. Camera" (my wife calls me) had to keepsake it.