Marriage in Heaven

Kate's been sort of like a fragile leaf the past few days. She kept me up (though I admit I didn't mind) until 3:00 this morning talking about how she's been feeling. Right now, God's distant. He's there, but He's not "talking that much". Sometimes, Heaven feels really close for her. Lately, it's felt far away. Through the cloudiness that comes with being up at 3:00 in the morning, I did manage to pick up on her major points. One of them was when she rolled over, turned on the light (blinding the two of us for a couple seconds), and said that she wished we could be married in Heaven. She kind of teared up, and I sort of just let her. The Bible says that we will neither marry or be given away to marriage in Heaven. I remember a sermon about that topic given a few years ago. That also depressed Kate a bit. I tried to say something meaningful, like we'll be married to the King then, but I could see that it was actually bothering her. The relationships we'll have in Heaven are mentioned in the Bible, but there really is no way of knowing until we get there ourselves. I believe I'll know Kate in Heaven. I also believe we'll know that we were married on this Earth. I don't know how our relationship toward each other will be, however. Will we be closer to each other than we will be to others? That subject led us into talking about Gracie, which made both of us cry. It was the "Tears in Heaven" questioning after that. Just a lot of interest surrounding our future Home at a time in the morning that no human could possibly give 100% effot to, but it was still a good conversation. My prayer the last few nights has been that Kate will feel Him close again. She knows He's there. She's just trying to find Him right now. She smiles in front of Aaron and cries in front of me. She's Homesick right now.

It's hard to not get excited about a Fender...

Bold for Christ

Normally, Aaron goes into the children's ministry during our service, but he's been wanting to stay in to be with us the past couple of weeks. We've let him, and he seems to really enjoy listening to all the music (sits in on many of our praise team practices, so he knows the songs before we sing them on Sunday), and he likes to hear the sermons. In the month of September, we've been in a series about being "bold for Christ". This morning, while we were praying, Aaron whispered something in my ear. He said, "Dad, I want to be bold. Cause God doesn't just want 10%. He wants all of me. I wanna be bold for Christ." The 10% line was a reference to a comment our pastor had just made, about how God doesn't want just 10% of our lives. He wants all of it. The congregation finished praying, and it was time for the praise team to head back to the stage. I took Aaron up on stage with me, and he sat on the piano bench next to me while I played "Softly and Tenderly". I kept sneaking peeks at him, and his eyes were closed the entire time, swaying his head to the music. It was the perfect Sunday morning.

The Calming Feeling of Chaos

I know that God has a sense of humor because He allowed Kate and I to find each other. We are opposite in so many ways, yet it works. I spent 40 minutes tonight watching my wife perfect this little dry-erase board calendar that I rarely ever look at, let alone write on, and I was mesmerized at how precise everything was on it. Aaron's school events in red marker. Our school "events" in blue. Appointments in orange. Praise team practices in brown. Aaron's flag football games in green. She enjoys structure. I don't mind the chaos. Just one more little opposite.. But what I really love most is watching her create this masterpiece of planning. It's not just writing. There's a science to her work. Why I had to be present for it is beyond me, however.

Too Many Thoughts

Aaron and I went to the Wake Forest football game tonight. Wake won, and the two of us came home with smiles. Although I am, and will forever be, a Tarheel at heart; I still cheered. Aaron fell asleep on the way home, and I was left to think to myself. I thought about all the ways I wanted God to use me, and then I thought about how many of those ways were really God's desire. I want to spend more time doing overseas missions. Kate and I have talked about this; possibly giving up our summers to head to Africa, Eastern Europe, Asia, South America, wherever we think God will lead us. Then, there's the question of whether God is calling me into that or it's just something I want to do. We're in the process of adoption, a long process, but one that will hopefully lead to us bringing home a child from China. Our lives are going to change tremendously when that step occurs. And what about Aaron in all this, I ask myself. Spending summers across the oceans; is it right, would it be fair? Unfortunately, there's always the financial aspect of it all. That was one area running through my mind this evening.

Secondly, there's the music ministry. Some people love the old music. Some people love the "young" music. Some don't care. Many don't agree. It's such a balancing act on Sunday mornings anymore, and it takes away so much from just standing in His presence and praising Him; not the music. That was another area running through my mind.

Then, there's the whole process of wondering when things will speed up with our adoption. Will I be an old man by then? Will China change their rules again? Will Aaron be a teenager? All those questions running like a merry-go-round up there in my brain.

I told Kate it's not a mid-life crisis. Believe me, she asked. I just feel like there is something that God wants me to do, and I'm missing it. It's like He's telling me to move in this direction, but I'm too blind to see what direction it is, and I'm wandering around in the same spot. I'm 40 years old. I have a strong faith, a great family, a good job, but I feel like there's something else that I should be doing as well. God's just really calling me, and I can't quite figure out what He's saying yet.

New template?

I allowed my niece and nephew to play around with formats on this web-site after they said I was "generic". I apologize if this is the fourth or fifth template used today. I haven't been here to monitor it.

Things I Wish I Knew How to Do

Kate, Aaron, and I met Mom for dinner this evening. Along with her came a note she found in one of my old books from childhood. It had apparantly been used as a bookmark, and years later, it's now become a piece of humor for me.

Things I Wish I Knew How to Do
J.B. Tyler, age 10
July 14, 1979

1. Fly
2. Juggle
3. Jump over buildings like Superman
4. Never get hurt
5. Lie to my parents and not get caught
6. Hit a homerun everytime
7. Get even with my brothers and not get in trouble
8. Tame a wild horse
9. Live on my own
10. Talk to girls

Ah, I needed the laughter that came with reading this list. I think I still need help with Number 10.

Katie's struggles

All right, Monday was bad for Katie. Tuesday got a little worse. Wednesday and yesterday were sleepless nights. Today, she called in sick. She's not sick; she's Homesick. She's really missing Grace. A husband can fix a lot of things, but only the Father can fix everything. It's hard watching her cry though and know that no matter how tight I hold her, I can't squeeze out the brokenness. I've just really been praying for God to move right now.

So many memories of where I was standing when I heard the horrible news eight years ago today. One of my students lost an uncle in the World Trade Center. So many questions to ask God when I get there. Regardless of whether He answers me or not, I'm prepared to ask them anyways.

I was thinking about this, as I often do, and I still come down to His Truth. Nothing makes sense if you look at it any other way. Two years ago today, my family and I were experiencing the saddest day of our lives. At the same time, our daughter Gracie was experiencing the best day of hers. She got to meet Jesus. That's a pretty good day, even in the midst of brokenness.

Reflections

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5

I don't know why, and I might never learn why either. It's too complex for me to understand His ways. His purposes and plans are too much for me to comprehend. I just don't get it. But, I believe. This day, every day, I believe in what He's doing. As my Gracie begins her second year in Heaven today, I can only imagine the smiles she's put on the faces of the angels; the smile she's put on the face of the Maker.

"I can't drive 55!"

I'm normally a very patient driver. I don't yell. I don't get angry when someone drives slow in front of me or swerves over into my lane without a turn signal. I don't let that bother me. But, somehow, I lost control of the accelerator, and I found myself looking into the rearview mirror at flashing lights. I pulled over, hoping and honestly thinking that it was going to drive right by me. No luck, and I had no idea how fast I was driving at the time he registered my speed. Turns out the speed limit was 60 m.p.h., and I was going just a few miles over. According to the officer, I was 16 over, to be exact. 76 in a 60. Gave him my license and registration; he gave me a ticket. As I pulled back onto the road, I heard my grandfather's voice say, "Why speed? You get pulled over, and then you're late anyways!"

"Give me liberty or give me death!" Or, just give me a few interested students..

Ah, the thinker, Patrick Henry

Why do kids not read these works anymore? Perhaps comic books should make Revolutionary Man! You're right, it probably wouldn't sell..but I did find a great web-site with famous speeches and writings over the years with Bible verses added into the mix. Showed this to my kids today. You'll have to excuse this post if you're not a history buff. For me, this is very "cool."

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The questing before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not [Jer. 5:21], the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it. I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss [Matt. 26:48]. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves. Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained--we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us [2 Chron. 32:8]. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone [Eccl. 9:11]; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable--and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace [Jer. 6:14]. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle [Matt. 20:6]? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

Right now, your face probably looks the same way my students' faces did today, but I'm not going to be the teacher that lets kids escape this year without reading, understanding, and being able to at least point out some major documents in our nation's history. So, I say now, give me learning, or give me..well, just give me something.. God bless..

First time for everything

In the 15, almost 16 years that we've been married, Kate and I have never had a couples massage. I have to admit that I am not a fan of someone else being that close to my body anyways, but this should be interesting. Never done it, don't know if I still want it, but I'll try it because Kate set one up for us tonight. I heard there are hot rocks involved, and that they will be placed on different parts of my body for lengths of time. Not so sure about this..