Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and *ahem* a birthday..

It's been awhile, so I will throw a few things into one pile.

Thanksgiving was different this year. It was the first without Sam. I never knew a Thanksgiving without him, and to know that his place at the table was empty was depressing. But, to know that his place at the banquet table in Heaven was completely full gave me hope! I am so thankful for the gifts He's given me, both those in plain sight and those in disguise.

The day after Thanksgiving is usually my wife's time to shop with all the women in our two families. This year, Aaron and I tagged along. Actually, it was just the three of us. And not one item bought was bought for us. We have been thinking about this for quite some time now. So, we did go Christmas shopping on Friday; for a family we've never met. Single mother, three kids. One of the kids is Aaron's age, which tickled Aaron. He knew "exactly what the boy would love to have!" We bought each child a few clothes (what child doesn't love opening clothes on Christmas morning, right?). We bought a couple toys apiece. We bought the mother a few different items as well. Christmas is not about the presents, but when you have the ability to help those who are less fortunate than you, do it. It's our responsibility as Christians to look after our brothers. I'm really excited about meeting this family. We've invited them over to our house for Christmas, and I'm hoping they accept the invitation.

And I think it's someone's birthday today too. ;) 41 years already..

A future daughter-in-law??

Aaron came home from school today with one thing on his mind. Her name's Alexis.
"Aaron, do your homework."
"Hang on, can I call Alexis?"
"Who?"
"Alexis."
"Who's Alexis?"
"Um, my girlfriend."
"You're 8."
"And a half.."

Ah, he got me there. How foolish of me! Of course eight is too young for a girlfriend, but eight and a half is completely different! So I asked him about this "girlfriend". I asked him if they hold hands, and he said, "dad, that's just gross." Oh thank goodness! I breathed a nice, long sigh of relief on that one. He said they sit together at lunch and play kickball together at recess. I asked him how this meant that they were "dating," and he said, "we're not dating, dad, she's just my girlfriend." Ah, I hope God keeps that innocence in him. :)

Who God Is

I've really been trying to be quiet before the Lord the past few days. In trying to figure out this incredible God of the universe, I realized that I knew so little about the One who loves me unconditionally. God's still very much a mystery; though I think the good kind. As Aaron's said before, God's "like trying to sleep on Christmas Eve, but you can't 'cause you know the morning's coming!" I can't wrap my finger around who God really is, but I do know who He really wants me to be. I'm trying so hard to be the husband, father, and servant that He has planned, that He is molding. I fall, and I stumble, but I never turn away. There are days I don't understand God, a lot of days I don't understand God, and there are days that I wonder if He's just playing a mind game with me, but I know that His ways are perfect. I'm the sinner, not Him. Sometimes, I want to throw my hands up and say, "are You really there?" I've had a couple days like that this past week. Then, I look at a sunset. I feel the breeze on my face. I fall on my knees and humble myself in His amazing grace and love. I want so much of Him sometimes, but I don't stop to realize that He's already given me so much of Him. He's given me an amazing marriage to an amazing woman. He's given me an incredible son and daughter. He's given me breath. He's given me the ability to find love and compassion in this world. I spend so much time wondering if He's there, that I neglect the evidence sometimes. He's an awesome God, and I'm just a man. I can't make the sun rise. I can't make the stars twinkle. Only a perfect God can make beauty in this world of mess.

Crazy November

November 1st: Aaron got a cold (not H1N1 or the flu, praise God!)

November 2nd: helped one of my step-brother's sons move into an apartment, began teaching guitar at the church to a couple kids from the youth group

November 3rd: Kate got sick, Aaron was still sick, guitar lessons again, began writing piano music for our church's Christmas program, graded about 100 History tests, tended to sick wife and sick son, stayed with Aaron while Kate went to doctor (just a cold, no flu or H1N1!), I got sick at about 2:00 in the morning (which turned out to be food poisoning from the fish I ate earlier that day)

November 4th: Kate was still sick, Aaron was still sick, I called in sick but was finally able to keep food down around mid-afternoon, prepped for our trip to Nashville this weekend, continued to write music for Christmas program, created lesson plans for the substitute on Friday and Monday

November 5th (today): Kate and Aaron are feeling a bit better, more Christmas program music writing tonight

Aaron has missed school all week, and we're leaving tomorrow morning for Nashville anyways. Kate's gone into homeschooling a sick kid this week while being sick herself. I've learned not to eat fish that smells funny, although it looked perfectly fine at the time. Now I'm left wondering if the three of us are up to driving eight hours tomorrow. Busy week, and it's not even over yet. We head for Nashville, Tennessee tomorrow morning. We're staying with Dan and his family. Saturday night is my nephew's birthday party. Sunday is National Orphan Sunday, and we're going to church with him in the morning than to a special event at Christ Community Church later on that afternoon. Monday, it's back in the car to head home. Very busy November so far..

Happy Halloween!

Cloudy Minded Mistake

I was lying in bed last night, trying to remember the name of the "club" my brothers and I had when we were little. It basically was the three of us and a couple brothers from school. I called Dan to no avail, so then I naturally dialed Sam's number. At about the second ring, I hung up. What was I doing? It's been five months (tomorrow) since Sam met up with Gracie and began walking face to face with Jesus. I remember having a similar experience in the first few weeks after my grandfather died. I eventually found out our name from one of our founding members (a friend), but I wish I could have asked Sam.

And if you're curious, it was "Tykes". Tyler/Kessens

National Orphan Sunday

National Orphan Sunday is coming up on November 8th. This year, Kate, Aaron, and I are heading to Nashville to spend the weekend with Dan and his family. That Sunday afternoon, at Christ Community Church, there will be an incredible response to the cry for the orphan. Prayers are already lifted for this special event, and let's all be thankful that God will never leave us orphaned! God bless..

Helping our children

"Don't ever hinder a child's ability to dream." I can't give you the exact author of that quote, but it's one that I saw on the wall of a Boys Town last week. It's one I completely agree with, and I wish everyone would follow that same rule. Children from inner-city Washington D.C. should have the same dreams and opportunities to live those dreams out that the kids in Hollywood, California have. I met a boy last week whose father is in jail and whose mother died of AIDS a couple of years ago. The little boy wanted to be a doctor. Yet, some adults look at that situation and say, "good dream kid, now back to reality.." Why? Why can't this little boy be a doctor? Why won't someone step in for these kids and tell them they can change the world if they want to, someone who will care enough for them to look at their environment and tell them to reach for the prize in spite of it all. Many organizations and adults I met with in D.C. are doing just that, and they are great examples of love in those children's lives. But sometimes many is not good enough. Before you call me hypocritical.. Before you say, "what have you done, J.B.?"..I want to say that I found that calling years ago. Have you? God bless..

Washington D.C.

Five of us are leaving tomorrow afternoon for Washington D.C. and five days of working with some of the inner-city children in that city. Prayers appreciated for the work we'll be doing and the substitute that's taking on my kids Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday! God bless..

I wanted to report that I'm either a genius driver's education instructor, or my nephew is just a very good driver. Without Sam to guide him, my nephew is trying to navigate the "not quite licensed but almost there" stage. He's not that bad of a driver either. He checks his mirrors, eases onto the pedals, puts his hands at 10 and 2. He might be a better driver than me!

Show Hope

In processing how God wants us to spend His money, we decided a few months ago to participate in a Show Hope sponsorship. If you've not done so, I'd urge you to look into this organization. As someone in the middle of the adoption process myself, it's great to see the amazing gifts that are coming about because of so many people's willingness to give. http://www.showhope.org

God bless.

I wish I could feel the way I feel about God right now, the deep love and passion for Him, the adoration of His presence in my life..I wish I could feel that without having to experience the pain that brought me to this point.

Marriage in Heaven

Kate's been sort of like a fragile leaf the past few days. She kept me up (though I admit I didn't mind) until 3:00 this morning talking about how she's been feeling. Right now, God's distant. He's there, but He's not "talking that much". Sometimes, Heaven feels really close for her. Lately, it's felt far away. Through the cloudiness that comes with being up at 3:00 in the morning, I did manage to pick up on her major points. One of them was when she rolled over, turned on the light (blinding the two of us for a couple seconds), and said that she wished we could be married in Heaven. She kind of teared up, and I sort of just let her. The Bible says that we will neither marry or be given away to marriage in Heaven. I remember a sermon about that topic given a few years ago. That also depressed Kate a bit. I tried to say something meaningful, like we'll be married to the King then, but I could see that it was actually bothering her. The relationships we'll have in Heaven are mentioned in the Bible, but there really is no way of knowing until we get there ourselves. I believe I'll know Kate in Heaven. I also believe we'll know that we were married on this Earth. I don't know how our relationship toward each other will be, however. Will we be closer to each other than we will be to others? That subject led us into talking about Gracie, which made both of us cry. It was the "Tears in Heaven" questioning after that. Just a lot of interest surrounding our future Home at a time in the morning that no human could possibly give 100% effot to, but it was still a good conversation. My prayer the last few nights has been that Kate will feel Him close again. She knows He's there. She's just trying to find Him right now. She smiles in front of Aaron and cries in front of me. She's Homesick right now.

It's hard to not get excited about a Fender...

Bold for Christ

Normally, Aaron goes into the children's ministry during our service, but he's been wanting to stay in to be with us the past couple of weeks. We've let him, and he seems to really enjoy listening to all the music (sits in on many of our praise team practices, so he knows the songs before we sing them on Sunday), and he likes to hear the sermons. In the month of September, we've been in a series about being "bold for Christ". This morning, while we were praying, Aaron whispered something in my ear. He said, "Dad, I want to be bold. Cause God doesn't just want 10%. He wants all of me. I wanna be bold for Christ." The 10% line was a reference to a comment our pastor had just made, about how God doesn't want just 10% of our lives. He wants all of it. The congregation finished praying, and it was time for the praise team to head back to the stage. I took Aaron up on stage with me, and he sat on the piano bench next to me while I played "Softly and Tenderly". I kept sneaking peeks at him, and his eyes were closed the entire time, swaying his head to the music. It was the perfect Sunday morning.

The Calming Feeling of Chaos

I know that God has a sense of humor because He allowed Kate and I to find each other. We are opposite in so many ways, yet it works. I spent 40 minutes tonight watching my wife perfect this little dry-erase board calendar that I rarely ever look at, let alone write on, and I was mesmerized at how precise everything was on it. Aaron's school events in red marker. Our school "events" in blue. Appointments in orange. Praise team practices in brown. Aaron's flag football games in green. She enjoys structure. I don't mind the chaos. Just one more little opposite.. But what I really love most is watching her create this masterpiece of planning. It's not just writing. There's a science to her work. Why I had to be present for it is beyond me, however.

Too Many Thoughts

Aaron and I went to the Wake Forest football game tonight. Wake won, and the two of us came home with smiles. Although I am, and will forever be, a Tarheel at heart; I still cheered. Aaron fell asleep on the way home, and I was left to think to myself. I thought about all the ways I wanted God to use me, and then I thought about how many of those ways were really God's desire. I want to spend more time doing overseas missions. Kate and I have talked about this; possibly giving up our summers to head to Africa, Eastern Europe, Asia, South America, wherever we think God will lead us. Then, there's the question of whether God is calling me into that or it's just something I want to do. We're in the process of adoption, a long process, but one that will hopefully lead to us bringing home a child from China. Our lives are going to change tremendously when that step occurs. And what about Aaron in all this, I ask myself. Spending summers across the oceans; is it right, would it be fair? Unfortunately, there's always the financial aspect of it all. That was one area running through my mind this evening.

Secondly, there's the music ministry. Some people love the old music. Some people love the "young" music. Some don't care. Many don't agree. It's such a balancing act on Sunday mornings anymore, and it takes away so much from just standing in His presence and praising Him; not the music. That was another area running through my mind.

Then, there's the whole process of wondering when things will speed up with our adoption. Will I be an old man by then? Will China change their rules again? Will Aaron be a teenager? All those questions running like a merry-go-round up there in my brain.

I told Kate it's not a mid-life crisis. Believe me, she asked. I just feel like there is something that God wants me to do, and I'm missing it. It's like He's telling me to move in this direction, but I'm too blind to see what direction it is, and I'm wandering around in the same spot. I'm 40 years old. I have a strong faith, a great family, a good job, but I feel like there's something else that I should be doing as well. God's just really calling me, and I can't quite figure out what He's saying yet.

New template?

I allowed my niece and nephew to play around with formats on this web-site after they said I was "generic". I apologize if this is the fourth or fifth template used today. I haven't been here to monitor it.

Things I Wish I Knew How to Do

Kate, Aaron, and I met Mom for dinner this evening. Along with her came a note she found in one of my old books from childhood. It had apparantly been used as a bookmark, and years later, it's now become a piece of humor for me.

Things I Wish I Knew How to Do
J.B. Tyler, age 10
July 14, 1979

1. Fly
2. Juggle
3. Jump over buildings like Superman
4. Never get hurt
5. Lie to my parents and not get caught
6. Hit a homerun everytime
7. Get even with my brothers and not get in trouble
8. Tame a wild horse
9. Live on my own
10. Talk to girls

Ah, I needed the laughter that came with reading this list. I think I still need help with Number 10.

Katie's struggles

All right, Monday was bad for Katie. Tuesday got a little worse. Wednesday and yesterday were sleepless nights. Today, she called in sick. She's not sick; she's Homesick. She's really missing Grace. A husband can fix a lot of things, but only the Father can fix everything. It's hard watching her cry though and know that no matter how tight I hold her, I can't squeeze out the brokenness. I've just really been praying for God to move right now.

So many memories of where I was standing when I heard the horrible news eight years ago today. One of my students lost an uncle in the World Trade Center. So many questions to ask God when I get there. Regardless of whether He answers me or not, I'm prepared to ask them anyways.

I was thinking about this, as I often do, and I still come down to His Truth. Nothing makes sense if you look at it any other way. Two years ago today, my family and I were experiencing the saddest day of our lives. At the same time, our daughter Gracie was experiencing the best day of hers. She got to meet Jesus. That's a pretty good day, even in the midst of brokenness.

Reflections

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5

I don't know why, and I might never learn why either. It's too complex for me to understand His ways. His purposes and plans are too much for me to comprehend. I just don't get it. But, I believe. This day, every day, I believe in what He's doing. As my Gracie begins her second year in Heaven today, I can only imagine the smiles she's put on the faces of the angels; the smile she's put on the face of the Maker.

"I can't drive 55!"

I'm normally a very patient driver. I don't yell. I don't get angry when someone drives slow in front of me or swerves over into my lane without a turn signal. I don't let that bother me. But, somehow, I lost control of the accelerator, and I found myself looking into the rearview mirror at flashing lights. I pulled over, hoping and honestly thinking that it was going to drive right by me. No luck, and I had no idea how fast I was driving at the time he registered my speed. Turns out the speed limit was 60 m.p.h., and I was going just a few miles over. According to the officer, I was 16 over, to be exact. 76 in a 60. Gave him my license and registration; he gave me a ticket. As I pulled back onto the road, I heard my grandfather's voice say, "Why speed? You get pulled over, and then you're late anyways!"

"Give me liberty or give me death!" Or, just give me a few interested students..

Ah, the thinker, Patrick Henry

Why do kids not read these works anymore? Perhaps comic books should make Revolutionary Man! You're right, it probably wouldn't sell..but I did find a great web-site with famous speeches and writings over the years with Bible verses added into the mix. Showed this to my kids today. You'll have to excuse this post if you're not a history buff. For me, this is very "cool."

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The questing before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not [Jer. 5:21], the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it. I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss [Matt. 26:48]. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves. Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained--we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us [2 Chron. 32:8]. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone [Eccl. 9:11]; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable--and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace [Jer. 6:14]. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle [Matt. 20:6]? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

Right now, your face probably looks the same way my students' faces did today, but I'm not going to be the teacher that lets kids escape this year without reading, understanding, and being able to at least point out some major documents in our nation's history. So, I say now, give me learning, or give me..well, just give me something.. God bless..

First time for everything

In the 15, almost 16 years that we've been married, Kate and I have never had a couples massage. I have to admit that I am not a fan of someone else being that close to my body anyways, but this should be interesting. Never done it, don't know if I still want it, but I'll try it because Kate set one up for us tonight. I heard there are hot rocks involved, and that they will be placed on different parts of my body for lengths of time. Not so sure about this..

The "whole" body

I like to think of my commute to work in the morning as my "sermon hour." Usually, the radio station I listen to has a preacher speaking instead of music that early in the morning. Today's lesson, if you will, was about the concept of the "whole" resurrected body that Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians. It was about the idea that Jesus will make all things new again when He calls us Home. Next week, it will be two years since Gracie made her home in Heaven, and the concept of this "whole" body caught my attention this morning. It's true. She is whole. The cancer can't win anymore. She's not suffering from the pain of chemo or the fright of losing her hair. She's not tired from the battle that she had to fight for two years down here. She's whole. It's easy to cry these days, but it was actually easy to smile this morning too while I was listening to that pastor speak. I'm so thankful that she's whole now. I miss holding her and cuddling with her, but I know that she's complete and healthy again. No more cancer, no more sickness, my girl's 100%. I heard the latest song by the singer Steven Curtis Chapman on the radio this afternoon as well, and there's a line in that song that struck me. It sort of tied together the day for me. "The cancer is gone." Hallelujah! As much as it stings sometimes, that truth sets my pain free. God bless..

Aaron: "Dad, what was the Holocaust?"
Me: "Well, Aaron, it was a sad event in this world's history. Some people didn't like, and they even hurt, other people just because of who they were."
Aaron: "Were the people that hurt others bad?"
Me: "What they did was bad, yes."
Aaron: "Didn't the bad people know that Jesus said to love everyone?"
Me: speechless

I love the little peeks into my son's innocence.

"Be Patient" by Warren Wiersbe

I don't recommend books often, unless you ask, but I would recommend this one. I've been reading through Warren Wiersbe's book on the character of Job; titled "Be Patient." It's a very good book if you love to ask God why; why this happens, why that happens. Job suffered so much, yet when it came to his faith in God, that strong foundation never crumbled. Here's a little bit of truth from the book.

"There is nothing wrong with asking why, as long as we don't get the idea that God owes us an answer. But if the Lord did tell us why things happen as they do, would that ease our pain or heal our broken hearts? Does reading the X-ray take away the pain of a broken leg? We live on promises, not explanations; so we shouldn't spend too much time asking God why."

As September 7th comes around again, and the reality of two years without Gracie down here hits me in the next few days, it's relieving to know that there is a Heaven. It's relieving to know that there is a God who comforts and cares. It's relieving to know I don't have to panic, hurt, or question His decisions; because I know He sees tomorrow; and tomorrow's tomorrow. Anyways, just a "review" of what I'm currently reading through; in case you're interested. God bless..

Strange Observance today

I was walking down the hallway after school when I noticed something outside the window of my former room. Had I, or hopefully anyone else, been in that room; I'd like to think this wouldn't have stayed this way the entire day. The main entrance and flag pole sets outside that set of windows. I looked out, and I noticed the American flag was hanging upside down. The last time I checked, no one in our school were front runners on any protest/picket line, and I know this was an accident on the part of those who raise the flag in the morning. However, what I couldn't understand is, no one noticed it before 3:00? That includes me; you'd think someone would have noticed it. It turns out it was an accident (thankful that no one at our school would purposely do such a thing), and no one entering the building, in the building, or exiting the building throughout the day said anything. I don't know if others noticed and just let it be or not, but I couldn't believe it was like that for seven hours without no one noticing the mistake.

Interesting day today. In a history class, chances are, something of historical importance is going to take place, of which you toss out the original lesson plan and throw in a new one. Today, I did that. I make it a point to tell the kids to watch some morning news before they come to school every day. Most do that, and so most knew of Sen. Edward Kennedy's death last night upon arriving at school this morning. A lot of kids wanted to talk about that today, so we did. I am aware that my students share different ideologies when it comes to politics, so we didn't bring that to the discussion. One of my kids started leaning that direction, but I drew her back. I pulled up a list of the legislation he's worked on since he took his seat in the Senate, and I'm even amazed at how much he's been a contributing factor to several areas of everyday life. Some of my kids even surprised me with their well-thought out comments. I think we had some good discussions today.

By all accounts, I missed the Kennedy brothers of the 1960's. Not to show my age here, but I wasn't around to witness JFK's assassination. I was in utero when Bobby was killed in the summer of 1968. I missed that whole "era" of U.S. History. As a history teacher now, I can only wish I was born a few years earlier. However, as a boy interested in the U.S. Senate, I was able to watch Ted Kennedy. Many of my views differ from Sen. Kennedy's, but there is one area that I applaud him for his committment; education. I also applaud him for stepping into the role of "father" when so many of his nieces and nephews went fatherless. I pray He is at peace with God today.

"Happy last couple days of 39!"

Yesterday, we celebrated Kate's 40th birthday a couple days early. Or, as my niece said, "happy last couple days of 39, Aunt Kat!" All in all, 21 of Kate's former students came. One of the girls from Kate's first year will be graduating in the Spring with the hopes of becoming a Kindergarten teacher herself. It was nice to hear their stories and see their accomplishments. A few of them yesterday were also my former students. Aaron wrote Kate a poem titled "That's Why My Mom is the Best." Original pieces are my favorite things to read from any kid, mine or one of my students.

We still have our friendly mutt we found the other night. I told Aaron we'd start searching next week for its owners. Aaron had that look in his eye, and I set the record straight on us keeping the dog rather quickly after I saw it.

Aaron also played guitar with me in church this morning during offering time. He's becoming quite the little guitar picker. He wants me to teach him something new every night. He's picked up on the chords very quickly.

Anyone missing a dog?

Stray dog came on our land this evening. That's odd that it would be out here in the country and us not know who it belongs to, but we have it in one of our horse stables right now until we can figure something out tomorrow. It has a collar but no tag; friendly mutt. I've never seen it before, which makes me wonder if it might not have been abandoned on the side of the road or something. We found her muddy, and I hosed her off some to get the mud off. Gave it water and some of Titus' dry food. We'll see what happens in the morning.

Kate's 40th!

Kate is turning 40 on Monday. I'm not quite sure she wants everyone to know this, but she's beautiful at any age, so 40 is just a number. I can't surprise her with a party. I've tried, and it doesn't work. I am a bumbling fool at times, and I think I have personally been the reason she's found out about ones in the past. So, this year, she knows what we're doing, to an extent. Mr. Research (that would be me at the moment), has found a few members of each of her Kindergarten classes; the oldest of which are in college now. I've invited them to, what I am referring to as, the biggest birthday bash in Forsyth County! Parents, students, family, friends, I haven't a clue how many people are going to be there Saturday. I just know that we have enough food lined up to feed North Carolina, so I hope the masses huddle together Saturday afternoon. The media director in our church created a video for Kate. Aaron wrote a poem for her. I have a couple things up my sleeve. It should be, hopefully will be, a great party; even if she knew about it all along. God bless..

First Day of School

Aaron woke up this morning at 4:47 a.m.; ran into our room, and said he was going to start getting ready for school. Kate and I started to get out of bed, when Aaron looked at us and said, "you guys stay. I can do it myself." For the next 45 minutes, we lay awake, waiting for him to come back in the bedroom to ask for our help. He didn't, and when I got up at 5:30, Aaron had fixed himself cereal, combed his hair, gotten his clothes on, brushed his teeth, and was watching cartoons. By the time Kate woke up at 6:00, Aaron was counting down the minutes until we left. I wonder if this behavior will last, because I enjoyed it this morning.

My students are 10th graders. I can't really say more than that honestly. I had to take away a kid's cell phone today because he had received a text message in class. I took his phone, opened the message, and wrote the person back that "Nate can't talk right now, he's in school." Every year, you spend the first few days trying to adjust to the students. Several of them know me from older brothers or sisters. That surely would frighten them a little, right?

Kate's in her perfect element again with her class of Kindergarten kids. She came home with two crayon drawings of "i love you Mrs. Tyler" already. If I erase the "s", that would make Mr...and..hmm.. God bless..

Tomorrow morning can't come soon enough for Aaron. I love that this kid loves school. He must have inherited that one from Kate. I was the kid who never wanted summer to end. First day of school tomorrow, and I'm still that little boy who doesn't want summer to end.

Weekend of firsts..at least in awhile

Today will be my first round of 18 since leaving for Romania back in June. This should be an experience for someone who never went a couple weeks without at least picking up a golf club and hitting a few practice balls.

Tomorrow will be my first time back on the worship team since before we left too. I think worship at your pew is just as important as worship on stage, but I love the position God's allowed me to be in on Sunday morning.

Obviously the latter means more to me than the former, as it also does to God. But, I'm happy He gave me the ability and opportunity to enjoy 18 with some good buddies today. God bless..

Different set of classroom "rules"

What's a classroom without rules? I created these about six years ago. I've used them ever since, even though I've since had to change the room number. Some make the kids chuckle. I hope all of them make them think.

Dear Student:

I'm Mr. Tyler. This is 10th grade U.S. History. Welcome back to the days of getting up early and coming into school. Trust me, it's just as difficult for the teachers as it is you. While we're on the subject of school, I want to make sure you understand the rules of Room 212. I know you know the standard rules. You've moved beyond elementary and middle school. High schoolers know better than to hit and chew gum in class, right?

1. Try. I don't care if you get the answer wrong. I don't care if you don't understand the concept. Trying and failing is better than never trying at all.

2. Respect. Respect me. Respect your classmates. Respect yourself.

3. Although a parent, I don't claim to have eyes in the back of my head. I can't watch you write down test answers into the palm of your hand. However, God sees it. So do you really want to cheat?

4. Be on time. Don't walk in five minutes late to my class. If anything, show up five minutes early. That's called respect. That's a life lesson, and it doesn't just apply to my class.

5. Be open-minded about history. Some students don't like the subject. You might be one of them. If so, it's my goal this year to change that.

6. Be accountable. Today, right now, find someone who will hold you accountable for your work in this class. You do the same for them. This class is a team. We work together. That includes me. Don't be afraid to ask me for help. Note: accountability and cheating are two different things.

7. Turn in homework. I don't just give you homework for you to throw in the trash or give to me half-finished.

8. Smile. How many teachers put that in their rules? You're a kid. Smile! Be happy! Frown when you're my age.

9. Be truthful. Your dog didn't eat your homework. Your little sister didn't throw your text book in the garbage. Own up to it.

10. God loves you for you. You are put in this moment of time for a reason. There is a plan for your life. Right now, it's to be in my classroom. Remember that when you "fake sick" to stay home from school. I understand. I was a student once too.

Above all, have fun in this classroom. I am not here to make your sophomore year miserable. I am here to help you realize your potential. All your teachers are, even ones your older brothers or sisters might have warned you about. I'm here to help. I hope we can have a good year together.

Sincerely,

Mr. Tyler

I flipped through some old pictures last night from some of the happy times (at least I thought they were happy times) of our family; mom, dad, my brothers, me. I'd be lying if I said that I don't miss those times of "us". I love my step-mother, my step-father, my step-siblings, but nobody wants to be a child of divorce. If someone were to ask about my parents, I'd rather be able to say they are making it, growing old together. But, they didn't. Whether you're 7 or 17, it still stings. It doesn't go away when you're an adult. It lessens; I understand a lot more now. But, it still affects me at 40. One of Aaron's friends' parents are filing; which led Aaron into question after question at lunch yesterday. Three kids, 11 years. He's leaving her for the same reason my father left my mother. That decision caused me to have a falling out with my father for a long time afterwards. We need to open the eyes of those who are spinning their lives out of control. We need to not only talk the talk, but we need to walk the walk. We need to be there to listen, to guide when necessary, and to let God work His good into them. Satan is there to try to bring you away from the Truth. That's his job. We can't let him do that. When we see someone in trouble, we can't let that person dive into the fire. Unfortunately, some won't listen. Some choose to listen and not react. I didn't know what this man was doing until he decided to throw his life into that direction. I've talked with him. I've prayed for him. However, I can't change him. I'm not God. But, as an imperfect human being, I only wish he knew how this will affect those little kids.

I am a map and flag person. I admit it now. For the longest time, I was just using my "history teacher status" for an excuse. However, as I sit here trying to figure out where to hang the giant wall map of the United States, the map of Europe during WWI and WWII, the 50 state flags, the different flags from the stages of American history, I will confess. I am truly a "map and flag junkie," as my wife calls it. When I was a kid, I kept one of those push-pin maps in my room of all the places in the world I wanted to travel to, and the map's still around somewhere. I used to ask for history books for Christmas. There's something about history that's fun. It's about realizing that the future and present are tied together with events of the past. There are teachers who tire of the same routine in the curriculum. I am not one of those teachers. I look forward to repeating myself and the topics. When you love what you're doing, it's not work. My grandfather used to tell me that. It's true.

Nashville, Titus, broken bones, and baptisms!

Kate, Aaron, and I ended up staying the whole week in Nashville instead of just the weekend. Fortunately, we made that plan before we left, thus having enough luggage to accommodate our extended time. Had we not known, we would have had to wear the same clothes every day. I have been to Williamson County, Tennessee a few times in my adult life; as my brother's lived there for the past couple decades raising his family, but the rolling hills and horse farms just really spoke to my heart this past week. The last post I put on here was really how I have been feeling for the past three weeks. As the two-year mark of Gracie's Homecoming is approaching, it's just becoming difficult again. The Thursday before we left, the only thing that got me out of bed was Kate telling me Aaron was worried about me. It was 2:00 in the afternoon, and I was still under the covers, unshaven and worn down. The drive to my brother's helped me out a bit.

Another thing that brought a smile to my face this week was Titus; our new dog. It's likely Aaron's new dog actually. Since we got home on Saturday, all he's done is pay attention to every detail of caring for Titus. He walks him, helps to feed him, cleans up after him (thankful for hardwood), and is a great friend.

While we were at Dan's, Kate broke her ring and pinky fingers of her right hand. Our niece accidentally shut the car door on Kate's fingers, and then she spent the rest of the week crying every time she saw Kate. Accidents happen.

The highlight of the week was Joel's baptism. Living a state away is difficult to see his daily walk with Christ, but I've watched this kid become an amazing young man. Before he was baptized, the pastor asked if he wanted to say anything about why he wanted to get baptized. Joel said, "I want to show you and everyone else that this is real and permanent." I can't wait to see how his future will continue to develop.

With school starting in a couple weeks, today begins the classroom organization again. I'm in a different, bigger, classroom this year. It's awkward not being in "my room", overlooking the flag pole and parking lot, being able to watch the sun rise from my windows. Nothing is that scenic about a bunch of soccer fields. God bless..

Ever have those days, or moments, that just send you to your knees? I woke up from a nap this afternoon to the sound of my daughter laughing. I could almost touch the sound. I woke up, went to the hallway, and closed my eyes really tight. I can see Gracie so clear when I close my eyes. Whenever I'm stressed, I close my eyes. I had them shut so tight, straining to hear the sound that I know I didn't really hear in the first place, that I started seeing different colors (ever have that too..). Nothing. The windchimes outside, the television downstairs, but not Gracie. I then got mad at myself for waking up so quickly. However, you can't live with your eyes closed. It's been 22 months. I was sent a video yesterday of a skit from The Skit Guys; a Christian duo who perform, well, skits. The video was called "The Mourning Booth". How many times I've sat in that booth in my short 40 years.. Anyways, after I opened my eyes to the empty hallway, I went back into the bedroom, bent down on my knees, and just cried. I really miss my daughter. It's not something that erases in time. It's just this part of my heart that hurts. Then I think about all the parents out there who are saying goodbye to their children right now, who will do so one day when they least expect it. How silly of me to wallow in my own pain and not realize the pain of others who are also walking down here with empty hearts. Too much is broken in this world, I can't wait for Heaven. I just want to reach out and touch His robes; just see His face, bend down in adoration before our King, kiss His cheek. For now, I reside in the reality of where He has placed me. Husband of an amazing woman. Daddy of an incredible son and one beautiful girl with angel wings. I have learned so much in the course of Grace's diagnosis, Homecoming, and nearly two-year journey since then, but I selfishly want her to walk through that door. The rational says that I can't believe I'd want my daughter back on this stained planet. The daddy in me just wants to see my little girl. Sorry for the mood of this message. I suppose I could leave you with a joke to make you laugh, but I'll instead leave you with this verse. 1 John 2:17, "The world and its desires will all pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." God bless..

Ah, it's one of my favorite times of the year..

This is the second reason we're going to Nashville next weekend. This is Smokey, soon to be Titus Tyler. Say that five times fast! We are bringing him home with us next Monday. For those curious, we didn't just decide on another dog quickly. After Silas died, I didn't want another dog. However, friends of my brother's family had a litter of Weimaraners, and somehow, my sister-in-law convinced me that we should get one for Aaron. Kate and I debated the issue in Romania, and we decided to bring one home. Silas has to be smiling in doggy Heaven. He loved all dogs, but especially Weimaraners.

*Yes, I know he has big paws. That's the first observation Kate had.

Back in the Saddle Again

It feels good to wake up in your own bed, pour coffee from your own coffee maker, fry an egg on your own oven, hop in your own car, and drive to your own home church. The only real problem with all those statements is that all those things aren't really mine. They're God's, and He's giving them to me for use down here. It was a great sermon this morning at church; learning how to declutter ourselves to really focus in on what God is calling us to do. I had a great opportunity to do just that this past month. Welcome home cook-out at 5:00 with our families. So far, re-adjusting to the time difference hasn't been that difficult for me. Katie is feeling a bit differently about that. Aaron was wide awake at 2:00 this morning. It might take a few days, but we'll settle back into the routine again here. The three of us are going to Nashville, Tennessee next weekend to attend church with my brother Dan and his family. My nephew is being baptized, and we're going to celebrate the great news. So to quote an old cowboy, I'm back in the saddle again...

Home. Tired. Romania was incredible, but America is home. This is a wonderful country to come back to, even if its citizens disagree on some things. It's easy to find fault or failure until you live in another country for a few weeks. We have been incredibly blessed as Americans.

The next task is getting my room prepared for the upcoming school year. They actually moved me this year to a room down the hallway, so I had to pack everything when I left for the summer. That all starts the first week of August. I'm going to try to readjust my body after the seven-hour time difference for a month.

Kate's going to be back teaching Kindergarten this year. She missed it so much after taking leave for her surgery last Spring. So, another classroom to set up in a couple weeks.

Aaron's actually looking forward to school. He'll be in 3rd grade this year. It moves quick. He's excited to show his friends how his summer went, and perhaps that's part of the excitement for school to start.

So, life continues again on this side of the "pond". School starts in about a month, filling my days with "the Civil War happened in 1945 between Mexico and America" again!

I'm taking a lot of this trip home with me. The physical: a cut that has turned into a scar I received while trying to step off a stone wall after a picture opportunity the first day I was here. The emotional: tearing up while seeing these kids smile every time you just look at them. The spiritual: really watching God work through the love and compassion of the men and women who are working in these orphanages.

Most of all, I'm taking so many memories with me back to North Carolina. It's been such a blessing to have spent these last few weeks watching my son experience all of this. It's been great for both Kate and me to see how Aaron's continuing to be molded in His image. My personal highlight of this trip has been watching Aaron's reaction to all of this.

Busy day tomorrow..
Bucharest to Frankfurt..Frankfurt to New York City..New York City to home..it's going to be a long next couple of days. God bless..

Dear Jesus Loves Romania,

Thank you for letting me come to Romania this summer. It was so fun! I am now friends with a bunch of the kids. I don't want to leave. I will always remember everyone here. Thank you for showing James 1:27 and that says that we must look after the orphans and widows. Maybe some day I can come back and help again. Maybe I can come back when I am a grown up. I wish everyone here could come back with me. I am going to show everyone at school this year how fun my summer was! Thanks again!

Love,

Aaron Tyler

*He drew himself holding one of the kids at the bottom of the page, which I would have gladly shown you.....had I still had a camera... ;)

God bless..

Kate and I are helping Aaron create a thank-you letter to the JLR crew and the staff at this incredible orphanage. I don't want to be the father who is ever told his son doesn't say please and thank you, and it's a natural response that I want him to remember anyways. Earlier this evening, we started giving him some ideas of what he could write in his letter. We said he could say 'thank you for letting me come..' 'I learned a lot.." etc. He said, "or, I could say this.." running to grab his children's Bible. Flipping through, he finally knew one of the lines he wanted to say in his letter.

"Thank you for following James 1:27, and that says that we should look after orphans and widows." I didn't help him find the passage. He knows what the passage says and where it's at in the Bible without us having to help him. To himself, he sang the Bible book song he was taught in Sunday school until he came to the book of James. It made me smile, and I'd like to think it made our Father smile too. God bless.. I'll have to display the finished product here.

If you're a baseball fan, I'd say we're heading into the 7th inning stretch of this missions trip.

Closing in on the final lap..heading into the 4th quarter..I think you understand.

I have learned, and will undoubtedly continue to learn, so many incredible lessons while here in Romania. As a history teacher, I can't help but marvel at some of the buildings in and around Bucharest. As a Christian, I can't help but stand in amazement at this part of His Creation. As a daddy, I can't help but yearn for the young children I have met to have a loving and secure place to call home. This place has had such an impact on my life that it will feel strange leaving it. God bless..

And, I can't leave out my excitement at seeing Tom Watson co-leading the British Open. Aaron was heartbroken at hearing that Tiger missed the cut. He's his favorite golfer, but it would be great to see Tommy win this one come Sunday.

Aaron's not a tad sleepy, so for the past hour or so, we've been playing the "Tell me about.." game. Basically, I'm the one doing all the talking. His job is to say, "Daddy, tell me about..." Most of what he wants to know is from my childhood. "Dad, tell me about your first pet.." "Dad, tell me about how you got that scar on your shoulder.." (one of my many attempts at believing I was Superman) "Dad, tell me about when you first met Mom.." They are memories that he's likely heard before, but he enjoys hearing me tell them again.

In case you were curious..

My first pet was a little terrier named Terry (very unique, right?). Unfortunately, he was only with us for two weeks, and the reason why would fill up this page.

I have a scar the size of a nickel on my left shoulder. I was nine, and I tried to jump off the second story roof to a bed of pillows below (parents weren't aware of this at the time). I jumped, hit the pillows, and a stick. Knowing now how easily the stick could have pierced through my chest, I can't believe I was that silly.

I met Mom at a church function. I had just come home to work at my grandfather's church for the summer, and Katie was volunteering with a couple of her friends. That was the first time I saw her. The first time I became courageous enough to talk with her came much later.

Going to watch The British Open in person has always been a dream of mine. Unfortunately, this is likely as close as I'll ever get to one. I haven't picked up a club in about three weeks. For someone who usually doesn't go a week without at least hitting a bucket of golf balls, that's a lifetime!

This is helping me today, perhaps it might help you too.

Isaiah 55:8-11

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

God's working, if we can just get out of the way sometimes and just see what he's trying to do. God bless..

The Major League baseball All-Star game is tonight in St. Louis (although it's 5:00 a.m. on Wed. morning where I am right now). I remember watching the All-Star games growing up, always rooting for whatever team Sam rooted against. He was usually for the American League. I always rooted for the National League, and whatever beloved Cubbie happened to be on the team that year. Dad surprised Sam and I with tickets to the game in 1977. It was held in Yankee Stadium. Mom stayed home. Dan didn't, and still doesn't, enjoy baseball. His sport is football. He stayed home with Mom. Dad, Uncle Larry, Sam, me, and my cousins Bryan and Tommy drove from Winston-Salem, North Carolina to the Bronx, New York. We must have looked like quite a bunch driving along the highway. It was my first trip to Yankee Stadium, and yes, it was incredible. Every baseball fan should see a game inside Yankee Stadium; although the new stadium just can't ever be the same as the old one. The National League won that game. Johnny Bench signed my Cubs hat (which is ironic looking back), and the four of us kids got to have a conversation (albeit a 20 second one) with Carlton Fisk. It was a little boy's dream vacation.

Dad, Sam, and I drove over to Atlanta in 2000 for the All-Star game at Turner Field. It wasn't the same as that trip in '77. It was still baseball, but the players' approach to the fans had changed. There are still players who will mingle with the fans, but there are also too many of them who have forgotten us. It's sad, because my own son really enjoys baseball. I want Aaron to have those heroes that will walk over to sign a mitt or a baseball instead of walking past without a single glance.

Dad's in the hospital again. This time, he was found unconscious in his garage.

My nephew is struggling through July. He's apparantly becoming very quiet and secluded in his bedroom all day on the computer. My sister-in-law is doing everything she can for those kids right now.

I also got word today that the little brother of a friend of mine was wounded by an IED in Iraq. A man who used to chase his brother and me all around the neighborhood likely won't ever be able to walk again this side of Heaven. There are a million questions I am writing down to ask God one day. I joked to Kate once that I hope I'm the only one who dies on a given day, because I'm going to take a long time asking my questions.

Aaron and I are both running fevers today, which means no interaction with the kids. Kate, however, has found a couple she wants to have leave with us when we go. No news on our adoption process. It's just a waiting game. One day, God will show us when He's ready. God bless..

Ann, no camera. Perhaps some nice couple is recording their children's memories on it, I don't know. It sounds better than to say I was a typical tourist who did something silly, like lay a camera down for someone to steal.

It's late, very late, or is it very early? It's 1:00 in the morning, early then I suppose..

I've just had one of those conversations that leave you feeling wide awake but exhausted at the same time. Of course, this one was with my 8-year-old.

The topic; death. That's not really my favorite topic of conversation. It's not that it scares me, because death to me means waking up to an eternity in Heaven and with my little Gracie. It's just a conversation that I try to avoid for some reason. Aaron woke me up about an hour ago with twenty different questions. It didn't originate from a nightmare he had; he was just curious. We've had the conversation before, many times since Gracie became sick and then left us for Heaven. I'm trying to sit here and remember his questions.

He woke me up with the line, "daddy, I don't want to die." Now, in a deep sleep, those words sound like he's cut his leg open and is bleeding intensely or something, and it naturally jolted me in an upright position. That woke Kate up. The three of us sat talking for the next 45 minutes about this topic; this topic that makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

1. I don't wanna not breathe.

This was his biggest concern. He doesn't want the feeling of not breathing. I'm 40, and that thought stops me in my tracks sometimes; let alone dealing with that concept at 8.

2. I know I'm gonna go to Heaven, but it's wierd to think I'm not gonna be here someday.

Yeah, that's strange for me to really think about too when looking at it through my human eyes.

3. I don't want God to take you or Mommy and leave me here alone.

That was probably the gripping moment of the whole conversation. The Daddy in me wants to enter Heaven before my son. I can't handle losing another child. If God's not coming in our lifetimes, I want Him to take me before he takes Aaron. I even want Him to take me before He takes Kate. But, He's eventually going to take me Home. He's eventually going to take Kate Home. It's so difficult to explain to an 8-year-old that, yes, we will die eventually; barring God's return. The two of us tip-toed around this issue.

4. I want people to invent ways to make people live forever.

That's an 8-year-old's mind at its best.

5. What do you think happens to us the second we die?

I told him I had no idea. That was really the only answer Kate and I could give. We told him what we think might happen, but we don't know until it happens.

6. I'm scared of dying.

We told him that God will take away the scary part of dying, and he'll replace it with the beauty of Heaven.

This next question he got really quiet about before he asked it; studying my wife and I before saying anything, almost nervous to ask.

7. What if we're (Christians) wrong? Will I exist then?

Kate and I thought very carefully about how to handle this question. I don't think Aaron was doubting anything. I think he was curious. The reason I say this is because I asked him what he thought. He said, without a skip of a beat, "I have faith there's a Heaven, Daddy. But a lot of people don't, and what if they're right and we're wrong?" In all the conversations we've had about death over the years, he's never asked that question. But, he never swayed from believing that Jesus is real. I'm proud of him for that. That's a deep thought process for a kid.

It was just a very intense conversation that I didn't think I'd have at 11:00 at night with my kid. I don't know what spurred it on, but I just know that it's left me feeling wide awake. It's left the human in me looking at the clock; 1:00 now..soon to be 1:01..I'm 40 years old, 41 in a few months..Ten years isn't that long, right? Ten years, I'll be 50.. Twenty years, thirty years, was 1979 really 30 years ago? I'll be 70.. So now I'm wide awake and asking God to release my own anxiety. ;) God bless.

Life is running smooth through Jesus Loves Romania right now. The kids are such interesting blessings to get to know. Katie has fallen in love with a couple of kids in particular; one of which is nicknamed "Grace" after her survival story as an infant. We've been spending time here, as well as wandering around the city. Aaron likes both, but I think he likes the sightseeing more, so I've taken him out a couple of times on my own.

Here's the only problem so far..my camera..a very nice one I might add..was stolen on Sunday. I felt like such a Clark Griswold. I began rummaging in my mind all the pictures that were on the camera, not for the inappropriateness that Clark was searching for, but just thinking of all the identifying pictures that were on it.

I don't know how it happened. I didn't see who took it. I set it down. That was my first mistake. I set it down to tie my shoe. It sounds too goofy to even have happened that way, but when I looked up, nothing. My wallet was still in my pants; even though people say to avoid having your wallet in your back pocket. The only thing missing was the camera. I'm trying to have a good attitude about this bad situation. Perhaps some man or woman didn't have a camera and needed one to photograph some major event in his/her life, and he/she just happened to see mine... Or, the obvious..I've been robbed... The best news is that it's just a material possession that would have eventually rusted away anyways.

God bless..

Count Dracula's castle

You can create your own scary laugh. I don't have time. I have to tend to this little red spot on my neck. It almost looks like something bit me..

I'm about to eat breakfast with a special group of kids who were crazy enough to let me sit down with them and eat! My body's finally adjusting to the seven hour time difference, although I find that I am falling asleep around 7:30-8:00 here; which puts me back into the 1st grade school night routine.

Isaiah 12:4-5

Before I sleep for the night, I just wanted to share a passage I was reading from the book of Isaiah.

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he was done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world."

I can fall asleep to that piece of truth..God bless.

Pausing to remember that a year ago this week, Kate and I became pregnant with our fifth child, who we never met, but will always love. The son and daughter-in-law of a couple in our church just got their referral after a year of waiting. It's only been two months since our dossier was sent to China. I don't know how I can wait a year, but it's not really my decision. It's not really China's decision either. It's God's. I'll wait for Him to answer.

In the meantime, Aaron is falling in love with Romania and will be heartbroken when he has to leave. He told me earlier this afternoon (6:00 p.m. here right now), "Dad, God's as much in Romania as He is in North Carolina!" This is really opening his eyes at a young age. It's wonderful to see.

We had a full day visiting and interacting with some beautiful children! Aaron made a new "friend"; Michael. He's deaf but that hasn't stopped him in the least. It was hard to hug him and then set him down, because he didn't want to let go of your neck. I know there's a special home for Michael somewhere; someone who will love him unconditionally.

Although my watch says 3:00 p.m., this clock says 10:00 p.m., and my body's still adjusting to the change a little bit. I've noticed that I wake up in the middle of the night hungry, so I'm keeping food by my bedside.

It's 4:42 a.m. here, and guess who's up? No, not most Romanians. Just two American boys who are still not adjusting well to the change in time. Today is the first day we will be working with and among the beautiful children through JLR. I'm looking forward to seeing how God opens my eyes these next three and a half weeks!

I suppose I can officially say I've been to Bucharest now!

Bucharest or Bust..

See you all in a little over three weeks! God bless..

Are we seriously leaving tomorrow morning? I love my wife, but she's going to be up until 3:00 packing luggage. Of course, you all know the saying, "if Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy." We might make it to Romania on the anger fumes of Kate!

What American boy in the 1980's didn't try to learn and impress with Michael Jackson's "Thriller" dance moves? In turn, what American boy growing up in the 1970's didn't want to be Charlie? We lost two incredible artists today; one the King of Pop, the other the Queen of Hearts. I believe God knew exactly what He was doing, even if the news stunned us.

Three days and counting..

Kate is a nervous wreck..thinking of all the ways Aaron can act out on the several flights.

Aaron is worried..knowing that we have to fly over water.

I'm quite calm about all of this; I don't know a particular reason why. I'm just very calm.

Greensboro/High Point..to New York City..to London..to Bucharest..this will be a long trip just getting there

Alaina's in the minority with this bunch..

Can you tell this family is pretty much overrun by boys?

Where was this when I was growing up?

I went to see Up tonight with Aaron as a pre-Father's Day gift from him. He paid. I can't resist a free movie.. I had heard it was a sad movie, but I didn't realize how sad it could be when you're already sad before the movie even starts.

This is my second Father's Day with only one child down here on this side of Heaven. However, for our little Gracie and three Baby Tylers, it's a great Father's Day, having eyewitness contact with our Heavenly Father. As I've done every Father's Day since Aaron was born, I present my wife with something as well. She always acts like she doesn't want anything, but what woman would say no to a box of chocolates? After all, I wouldn't be celebrating this day tomorrow without Kate's decision to deem me worthy enough for father material.

We are leaving for New York City next Saturday, then onto Romania and to an orphanage that is currently being run by a couple incredible missionaries there. All three of us are going. This will be Aaron's first trip "across the pond". If I do my best in sharing the power of missionary work with him, it will hopefully not be his last.

As I sit here with just a few minutes until Father's Day arrives here in North Carolina, I know that with this day comes heavy emotions for millions of people. For the fatherless children, the fathers who've had to bury children far too soon, the hurt and broken relationships, the orphans, and so many more who are hurting this Father's Day eve, I pray for them. Right now, my four nieces and nephews are really missing their Dad tonight. I can't take away their hurt. I can't jump in and say, "Uncle Jay Jay is here, everything's better!" I'm not their daddy. I can't make it better. There are so many similar situations. There are so many hurting and broken hearts in this world. Who could possibly ever want to live forever down here..

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

I wasn't referring to the literal dates. While the rest, minus a nephew, sleeps, I'm left to think. At 12:30 in the morning, that can tend to be interesting. However, with Kate asleep next to me here, and Aaron asleep in the next room, I can't help but think about these three moments in time; yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Where my family was, where they are, where they will be..those are my thoughts.

Yesterday..I remember after losing our first baby, Kate and I begged God to bring us another one. After we lost our second baby, we thought that God didn't want us to be parents. When we learned Aaron was on his way, we were ashamed we ever doubted Him. After Gracie came and left us for Home four short years later, we just didn't understand anymore. And, after losing our fifth child, we were lost and done with it all. Now, neither of us could help produce a baby even if we wanted to try again. God works in confusing ways at times.

Today..Aaron's now 8 and keeping Kate and I busy 24/7. The three of us have been out together before, and people will comment about how he's an only child. He's not an only child. He's one of five Tylers, not the only one. Watching him play is difficult sometimes, because I know he misses playing with Gracie.

Tomorrow..we're currently in the process of adopting from China. I don't know when, I don't know who, but I do know why. We didn't seek it. That call came from God. He's controlling the direction of the process.

Our family's changed a lot since Kate and I exchaged vows in 1993. We've been overjoyed at pregnancies. We've been broken with miscarriages. We've rejoiced with two healthy births. We were floored with the news of cancer. We were shattered with the Homecoming of our four-year-old. I don't know what God has in store for our future, and I don't need to see it until He unfolds it for us. I just want to always put Him in the driver's seat, even when the car seems to be going 200 mph.

I took a beach hike this morning, all by myself. Usually Aaron wants to tag along, but he slept in, and I took off. Judging the distance, I think I walked about 3 miles. I took along The Bible, sitting down periodically to read some Scripture. I've been working my way through David's Psalms. There is incredible hope in those words. Katie's not had a great day. She's missing Gracie a lot today. That's also been affecting me. In September, it will be two years. Sometimes, it seems like twenty years; others, it seems like two minutes.

I did catch a smile on my sister-in-law's face today. We were happy to see one of them again.

Just some of what is coming from this "vacation" are the stories my nieces and nephews are hearing about their dad when we were younger. Every night since we arrived here, I've shared some of the craziness that was Samuel Ryan Tyler. Tonight, I told them about the tree house accident, which might not have been an accident at all.

I was about eight, making Sam about 12 or 13. We had this treehouse in our backyard, an elaborate one. No rope ladder, just steps nailed to the tree. It had a couple windows, a chalkboard on one wall, and a balcony. My father kept finding ways of improving the house, which is still standing. I was a gullible kid, and my brothers took advantage of that often. One day, Sam and Danny convinced me that it was easier to fly out of the treehouse than climb down. They told me they both did it all the time, with their very own sets of invisible wings. Being gullible, and wanting to impress my older brothers, I told them I had invisible wings too. They didn't believe me, so I tried to prove it to them. I'm sure you know the outcome on this one. I came out of the situation with a broken arm and a few stitches. My brothers came out of it with some pretty sore bottoms.

My niece pulled me to the side yesterday and wanted to talk to me. She said, "I know you're my uncle, but until I see Dad again, can you kind of be like my Dad down here now?"

I'll never see Gracie at age ten, and I grew up with brothers, so the only personal experience I have with girls that age are stories or watching another niece pass that stage of life. However, I have to think that ten is such a critical age for young girls. I hugged her and told her I'd do my best to support her the way I know her father supported/and would support her. I'm still trying to wrap my finger around this path that God's sent our family down.

My niece came up with this beach "project," sending love up to her Daddy. Her brother told her that hearts with arrows is something you'd write if you were in love with someone. She looked at him and said, "no, it means my heart's broken." Too much power coming from a 10-year-old. We've all sort of followed suit.

Nags Head

Kate and I are taking Aaron, our nieces and nephews, and my sister-in-law to Nags Head for a break from here. I was one of the last ones to know this apparantly, having been told the news last night over dinner. We're leaving after lunch, and we'll be back in town next Saturday. Perhaps fresh ocean air will help us all. I couldn't convince my mother to go with us. She misses her Sammy, and I unfortunately understand that pain. My prayer every night is that Grace found Sam in Heaven by now. She loved her uncle so much.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:17

I went chasing after my nephew last night. He drove off, wouldn't answer my calls, didn't tell anyone where he was going. Eventually, he did call me. I drove there, around midnight. We found a restaurant that served wonderful coffee at that crazy hour, and we talked until 2:00. Following him home, I thought about how Sam surely must be watching this event take place, because I really felt him in that booth.

Kate and Aaron are doing all right. Aaron had a home run the other day, nearly over the fence. He's been sleeping in our bed off and on for the past couple of weeks. I think he wants to make sure God doesn't take Kate or me too, I don't know.

And yet it moves on..

The day after Gracie died, September 8th, 2007..people went shopping, to work, on with their lives while mine was sitting there shattered

The day after Sam, May 31st, 2009..the same thing..

Life keeps moving forward. Time keeps ticking away. It's been almost two weeks now. It's very strange. I hope he's found Gracie. I hope she was there to greet her 'Uncle Silly' when he was welcomed Home. The human side of my pain is angry that he gets to see Gracie, and I don't. I haven't been sleeping well. Dan and his family left yesterday morning. He and I will be there for the kids, who are confused and so broken. My sister-in-law is a mess. I don't know the next step. God does, and I hope He's listening. I can't handle him taking Home the people I love. I can't do that anymore.

Sam

I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd say goodbye to a brother. Death's part of life, and I've seen it sweep away four of my children, three of my grandparents, and some of my friends through life, but surely it wouldn't separate the Tyler boys. It's been a very strange week, a very surreal week. I have a lot of unanswered questions again. I don't know how a seemingly healthy 45-year-old man who jogged nearly every morning had a severe heart attack. I don't know why He gives some people all those years and others just four, or none at all. I just want to run up there to Heaven and ask God what He's truly trying to accomplish right now. Why did He take Gracie? Why did He take Sam? Why are there horrible and foul characters walking on this Earth, and He takes a father of four, or He takes my baby? I don't know why. I don't know what He's trying to accomplish through any of this. I have hope. I have faith. I haven't lost it, but I am really confused. There are a ton of unanswered questions, and I haven't been here in awhile, and I'm sorry. I haven't felt like it. I'm broken. I'm confused. I'm angry. I haven't felt like being here.

Thank you

On behalf of my family, thank you. God bless, and I'm praying for you all as much as you're praying for all of us.

How life would be..

In a perfect world, right now, I'd have a 13-year-old, a 12-year-old, an eight-year-old, a six-year-old, and a one-month old. Unfortunately, this isn't a perfect world. But, it is controlled by the perfect One, and that gives me hope. So, as I sit and watch my eight-year-old son play basketball in the driveway, I miss the three Baby Tylers and Gracie. However, I know that He holds it all in the palm of His hand. God bless.

Tradition, T-R-A-D-I-T-I-O-N, Tradition

It's always a tradition in our family to watch the National Scripps Spelling Bee every year on television. The ability that God gave to these kids in the area of spelling is incredible! Of course, I don't want to brag, but I was very close to the winner of my 4th grade spelling bee.

I was only standing a few feet away. God bless.

Six weeks, really?

It's been six weeks now since Kate's surgery. She went in this morning to her doctor, and everything appears all right. Of course it'd be all right, even if it wasn't "all right," because God's in control of it all. I don't have to worry, even if the human side of me forgets that sometimes. I was actually asleep early tonight until I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. Now it's a quarter after midnight, and I'm wide awake. It's a good time to just be silent before God; an easy time really, because it's pretty much quiet right now. I can sit here and listen to the calming silence outside that comes with country living. Inside, I can just be quiet before God, and the 20th game I've played of computer Solitaire.

Job 38

1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 "Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge?

3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?

6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-

7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels [a] shouted for joy?

8 "Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,

9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,

10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,

11 when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?

12 "Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,

13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?

14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.

15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.

16 "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?

17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death [b] ?

18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.

19 "What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?

20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?

21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!

22 "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,

23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?

24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?

25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,

26 to water a land where no man lives,
a desert with no one in it,

27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?

28 Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?

29 From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens

30 when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?

31 "Can you bind the beautiful [c] Pleiades?
Can you loose the cords of Orion?

32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons [d]
or lead out the Bear [e] with its cubs?

33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God's [f] dominion over the earth?

34 "Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?

35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, 'Here we are'?

36 Who endowed the heart [g] with wisdom
or gave understanding to the mind [h] ?

37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens

38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?

39 "Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
and satisfy the hunger of the lions

40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?

41 Who provides food for the raven
when its young cry out to God
and wander about for lack of food?

After Gracie's death, I read through Job three times. It wasn't because of comprehension. It was because I felt so connected to how Job was struggling, while still holding near to God. I read it again last night and this morning as well. There is so much that I can do by the will of God's hands, but it's not even a tiny speck compared to what God has done for us.

Camping Trip, Graduation, and Memorial Day

I'll just fit all three topics into one.



If you've never gone to the Blue Ridge Mountains, and you're ever North Carolina/Virginia way; I suggest taking a drive along the Parkway. I don't know how anyone can question God if they've been through the Blue Ridges. Aaron and I left around 8:00 yesterday morning, and we got back home around noon today. No rain; thank goodness. The campground area wasn't as crowded as I thought it'd be either.

Tonight was graduation. The pimple-infested, hormone crazed, driver's license dreamers that I had a couple years ago are now college bound, world changing dreamers. Sitting there, I can't believe it's been 22 years since I was standing in their shoes. Where does the time go?

I'd like to also take the time to remember the men and women who gave their lives so that it's even possible for me to freely visit the Blue Ridges, or for the Class of 2009 to jump into this world with open arms. On this Memorial Day, I salute the men and women who have given the greatest sacrifice; their lives, so that we might have freedom in this country. God bless the troops.