Who God Is

I've really been trying to be quiet before the Lord the past few days. In trying to figure out this incredible God of the universe, I realized that I knew so little about the One who loves me unconditionally. God's still very much a mystery; though I think the good kind. As Aaron's said before, God's "like trying to sleep on Christmas Eve, but you can't 'cause you know the morning's coming!" I can't wrap my finger around who God really is, but I do know who He really wants me to be. I'm trying so hard to be the husband, father, and servant that He has planned, that He is molding. I fall, and I stumble, but I never turn away. There are days I don't understand God, a lot of days I don't understand God, and there are days that I wonder if He's just playing a mind game with me, but I know that His ways are perfect. I'm the sinner, not Him. Sometimes, I want to throw my hands up and say, "are You really there?" I've had a couple days like that this past week. Then, I look at a sunset. I feel the breeze on my face. I fall on my knees and humble myself in His amazing grace and love. I want so much of Him sometimes, but I don't stop to realize that He's already given me so much of Him. He's given me an amazing marriage to an amazing woman. He's given me an incredible son and daughter. He's given me breath. He's given me the ability to find love and compassion in this world. I spend so much time wondering if He's there, that I neglect the evidence sometimes. He's an awesome God, and I'm just a man. I can't make the sun rise. I can't make the stars twinkle. Only a perfect God can make beauty in this world of mess.