Dad

Dad's home from the hospital now. He has a bruised hip, a fractured wrist, a gash on his forehead, and a couple scrapes, but he's very lucky. He fell down the entire flight. God was with him. It could have been so much worse. Thank you for praying!

My golf partner

Golf has been part of my life from as long as I can remember. I can still recall being eight years old and begging my parents for that first real "adult" set of golf clubs. Until that time, I had been using "height adjusted" clubs that came from my father's old set. Basically, it was my father sawing off the ends of his golf clubs to save on money for a hobby that he wanted to make sure I would enjoy for longer than a month. I got my first set on my 9th birthday, and I was instantly drawn to play at every opportunity. Jack Nicklaus overtook Terry Bradshaw (Steelers were my team) as my sports idol. My first job was at a golf course. My first attempt at scuba diving came at a golf course lake; diving in to rescue "free" golf balls for my own personal use. Many of my summer days growing up were spent somewhere between the 1st tee and the 18th green, so it's only natural that I would want my son to experience the same passion for the game as I have for all these years. Right now, he's more excited to roam the course on the golf cart with me instead of worrying about a little round ball going into a tiny tin cup, but he loves to go with me to play a round. He sits there quietly while I hit the ball, and he'll give me a "wow, good one, daddy" even if I happen to slice it.

Today, we went out to play 18, and he putted a few times. He nearly sank a 10-footer actually; which drew the attention of a grounds keeper on the nearby tee. He was just so happy out there today, and his smile lights me up every time. I don't know if he'll ever be as serious or passionate about golf as I am, but I am just so glad that he and I can have that time to spend together.

That's My King!

Where were you?

That was the topic of conversation as I sat with my 10th grade classes today. The original question was "where were you on September 11, 2001? For pretty much all my students, they were sitting in a 3rd grade classroom somewhere. Being a history teacher, I frequently try to engage the kids in conversations that actually make them think about the world as it was; the world as it is, and the world as it may be; although I know that the concept of time is skewed in some young minds. Saying that, we actually had a very good conversation today; all my classes did. Because of the Christian environment, we were able to pray together for the men and women of New York City, the Tri-State area, Washington D.C. and for the families of those heroes whose airplane fell in Pennsylvania. We prayed for those emergency responders who arrived on the scene shortly after the attack and their families. We prayed for the men and women who are serving in the military right now; both here and overseas; for their families who have sacrificed so much. We prayed for the leadership of this country; not by name but as a whole. I have a couple kids whose parents are currently in Iraq or Afghanistan, and we prayed for that. I think it's absolutely incredible when young Christians come together in praise of His name. I love that, and that's part of why I love working where I do.

So, where was I on September 11, 2001? As I told the kids, I was at school. I was right in the middle of teaching when Kate called my cellular phone crying. She was at home with our then 4-month-old son, Aaron. I thought one of them was hurt. I can still hear her say, "something is happening in New York City!" A few seconds later, the principal came into my room. I found something to busy the students, and I followed him into the hallway. There, a group of teachers who had also been called out of their rooms was huddled together. Our principal at the time, a wonderful man of God, said he wanted to pray. It was in his prayer that I discovered what really was happening.

Going back into the classroom, I didn't know whether to tell the students or not about what had happened. I consulted with the principal, and we agreed that we would try to notify every parent first. I eventually told the class what was happening, as some were curious about the commotion, and then it was silence. Tenth graders are aware of their surroundings. They might not show it, but they know when something giant is happening. Obviously after I told them the news, the questions began pouring out. I found myself saying "I don't know" a lot that morning.

Panicked parents began calling the school. Some parents wanted to come get their children. We received permission to release school early, and we released at 12:30 that day. Although in North Carolina, we were far removed from the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, or the field in Pennsylvania; we felt the best place our students could be was at home with their families at that time.

As soon as all the children were on their way home, the staff had a prayer meeting in our lobby. We didn't know what was happening in our nation, but we praised His name anyways. In the days, weeks, months, and years since September 11, 2001; His name is still being praised. We don't know why, but we have faith in His control. As soon as I entered our house that afternoon, I hugged and kissed Katie and Aaron. I turned on my television, and I watched sadly with the rest of America. Where were you?

"My Family" by Aaron Tyler

I found this in a drawer this afternoon. This was actually drawn at a counseling session a few months ago. He was asked to draw his family. He drew a halo over Gracie's head and an airplane above her in the sky. The airplane was "taking her to Heaven."

Silas

Yesterday was a very hard day, but somehow seeing this face puts a smile on mine. Silas has been a member of this family now for over 9 years. He was there the day Kate and I brought Aaron home from the hospital. He was there when we brought Gracie home. He was there when we came home with tear-stained faces; knowing that our daughter would soon be facing the fight of her life. Shortly after Gracie died, he began sleeping outside of her bedroom door. He was waiting for her to return. Now, a year later, he still sleeps there. I sure do hope all dogs go to Heaven...

Only God

I want to begin by saying that I know Katie, Aaron, and I have felt the impact of every prayer that has been said to Him by others who have lifted up our family. With that said, it was only God who could have done this yesterday. One of the trees on the east side of the church that shaded some of the windows from the early morning sunshine was cut down last week due to poor condition. It was cloudy yesterday morning. However, three lines into "Homesick" on my guitar during offering, the sun broke through the clouds; casting a ray of light right on my guitar and me. I had my eyes closed at the time, but I could tell what happened. That's God right there. You can't convince me that was anything at all except God. A couple minutes after I ended the song, the ray of light vanished into a cloudy sky again. Is our Savior great or what!

September 7, 2007 Entry

In knowing I won't likely come here tomorrow....

September 7, 2007

8:32 a.m.; you've now been set free. Go get your wings, baby. I love you.

Daddy

This isn't possible. It just can't already be a year.

Tired, Homesick, Confused

Today was a tiring day for me personally. I walked over to Kate's classroom during my lunch, and I just closed the door behind me. Thankfully no children were present at the time, so I was able to just talk with my wonderful bride for a few minutes. It's coming up on a year now since Gracie went Home, and I'm starting to really feel the absence intensify lately. I want to just scream, "enough already, just give her back!" However, the part of my being that knows she is free from pain, from cancer, from having to endure the horrible chemo treatments; that part of me praises God for releasing her from all that. But, it's just the absence. I hate that absence. I've talked to parents who have laid their children in Gods' arms years ago, and they've said the absence is still there for them. In the song "Homesick" by Mercy Me (which I am actually playing in church this Sunday-the first anniversary of Gracie's Homecoming), it says, "how long must I wait to be with you?" I know I'm down here for a purpose that only God can truly see, but I am so Homesick and tired right now. Then, I look at another's life, and I think to myself, "as bad as it was to lose Gracie, I could have it like this..." and it makes me praise God even more that He is a God who loves us enough to allow us to be angry and confused; as long we do not doubt His plan. I wish I could stand here almost a year out from Jesus taking Gracie and say that I understand His plan, but I don't. I don't understand why He took my daughter. I don't know why He has taken millions of other babies around the world and will do so in the future. I don't know why Moms and Dads are out there right now kissing their children good-bye on this Earth. In a perfect world, I suppose, everyone would grow old. I just know I believe in His direction for my life, as blind as I may be to it, and I pray that when He greets me in Heaven, Gracie will be right by His side waiting for me.

"He's Got the Whole World In His Hands"

If you have children, you should know this song. If you've been a child, you should know this song. My son loves this song. He finally learned this song on guitar! He's actually picking up the guitar very quickly. We sit down for about 20 minutes each night and practice. He asks me, I don't ask him. I would secretly love for Aaron to pick up favorites; such as golf, photography, guitar, or football; but I will never put pressure on him to do any of those things. He's his own person, and whatever he wants to do or be in this life is fine with me. However, I was secretly grinning from ear to ear when he looked at me one day and said, "daddy, teach me guitar."

Besides just learning the various chords, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" is the first real song he can play from beginning to end. Last night before bed-time, he picked his guitar up and said, "listen to this." Yes, he had a couple mistakes, but he did very well in his first solo attempt. Like all young learners, he would play a chord, pause to get his fingers set right, and then play another chord, but that's the first step. For those of you wondering, no, I'm not going to make a Tyler Family Experience. I promise that nothing will come from me when it comes to Aaron and music. He's seven. He's not Mozart. He's Aaron, and that will always be enough.